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Being Human:
A Catalog of Insights
©1999 Teaching Tools For Mindfulness Training
Introduction
At the heart
of all sacred traditions is the idea of people getting along together in harmony. The Hawaiians know that it's all about aloha. And the Christians know it's all about love. And the Buddhists know it's all about peace. And so on thru all the great ancient spiritual teachings. They're directed towards cultivating caring companionship for people w/one another -- the kind of human relating that involves compassion, understanding, fairness, competence (mastery) & altruism . . . or, love, instead of selfish manipulations that hurt other people into doing what we want them to do. This non-manipulative relating is a kind of companionship that we're capable of as humans. Yet, it's rather rare.
The traditional
spiritual teachings ask us to suspend the sides of our selves that bring conflict, war, mistreatment, taking advantage, selfishness , insensitivity & cruelty into the lives of other people & to supplant this wounding way of life w/something
better that's already inside & available to us - an inner essence of strengths & qualities that we are born with. These essential strengths are what we can
have going for us in seeking to find happiness in life, instead of relying so often on those wounding manipulations.
And the ancient
traditions even tell us how to go about this. Their teachers are saying: "be awake," "be alert," "be mindful," "be watchful," have "the presence" of mind, to simply see what there is to see . . . & "repent," as some would
put it (that is, lean towards another direction); & "be free," as others put it (that is, let go of the side that brings conflict, in order to dwell in the "liberation," "deliverance," "salvation," of the side that can love & live in peace).
This secular
study1 shows those two sides of any ordinary human being of today, in high relief - the side that is driven to seek selfish advantage over others, called the "personality" here
& the altruistic & masterful side, called the "essence." The elements that are described in the wheels presented here
are easily seen in the daily lives of every person in any group of people -- family, business operation, team, club,
circle of friends, society.
We are all
doing some of these behaviors every day. In any social circles, the 8 types described here will be frequently & even
constantly visible to those who have learned the types by heart.
By recognizing these types in our own selves, we can see our manipulative side in clear highlight & recognize at the same time the best of what we've got going for us in our peacemaking side. And by recognizing these types in others, we can also understand the best that is in them -- underneath their manipulating -- in the essence of what they have been born w/that's peacemaking, as well.
All of us --
if we wish to -- can learn to lighten up a little bit in the manipulatoins we do to other people. They hurt. And (obedient to Newton's Law) they only get other people manipulating us back, anyway, to the same intensity as we have manipulated them! --although perhaps w/some lag time. And so it goes w/people, without their even knowing it, that they are often
manipulating each other, back & forth, nearly every time they meet & even when they talk on the telephone & write each other
letters. And all this largely ignored manipulating hurts. It creates incalculable pain in the lives of our families, associates, friends & acquaintances.
For there to
be a change in this ordinary pattern of manipulative life, people would have to learn to "wake up," "be mindful," "pay attention," "be aware" of it. Yet it all goes on every day, passing by "without us," so to speak.
Most people don't
even know what manipulations look & sound like. They don't know how to recognize them. They aren't sure when they are being manipulated by other people -- except there is always an uncomfortable or painful feeling when that is going on. And they usually aren't aware of it when they are manipulating other people, either - -although, again, this is always accompanied by discomfort & even hurts within. Mitsuo Aoki, my principal teacher, pointed out: "The first thing that happens when you judge another person is that you get an uncomfortable feeling in your own body."2 And any of us--if we're interested -- can learn not to be subject to the painful manipulations of other people, as well, when we have the presence of mind to see how we're being manipulated by them & recognize that it's happening.
It's only a question
of learning what these manipulations look like & sound like, so that we can spot them -- both in ourselves & other people -- when they're going on. The
personality & essence wheel is a tool for being able to do that. It takes study. And it takes practice in live situations.
Yet, anyone who would like to use this tool to harmonize their relationships w/any other people, can do so if they will practice
playing the simple game that I call "the awareness game" that is explained here below in Supplemental Coaching.
This game consists
in waking up & recognizing your own manipulations when they're happening & dropping them. Then the natural strengths & qualities of the essence that
you were born with can show thru & be put into play. Next, this game involves recognizing other people's manipulations & learning to step aside from them--just let their manipulations pass right on thru w/out "gaining purchase" on your body.
And finally,
this game invites being alert enough to say whatever you have to say to other people (particularly
in tense situations) by using "authentic non-manipulative communications." This is illustrated at the end of the wheelbook. By taking these 3 steps in playing the awareness game, you can improve communications & understanding w/any other
person that you'd like. These steps will enable you to be who you really are authentically (i.e.
underneath your manipulations) & to honestly play, on purpose, for peace & companionship w/other people.
Most people would
like to have more harmonious relationships with at least some of the people that they know, yet they may not know what to
do, exactly, when they're standing right there w/them, that might achieve that. It probably doesn't occur to them that dropping
their own manipulations would be a solid step in the right direction. And they may not be able to pin down exactly how the other person is manipulating them & as they see it -- making them feel bad. They may not know exactly what they can say (other than manipulating) that will actually enhance communication & understanding,
on the spot & cultivate a spirit of harmony & companionship w/the other person at that very moment.
This information
is what this catalog of insights provides. And it points out these elements of ordinary
human behavior in high relief in the passing life that's going on within you & around you every day. The wheelbook--which
can be "read thru like a novel" - shows you clear & easily recognizeable examples of the manipulations that people do. You may hear the phrases that are shown here, or variations of them, from the people you see & know at
any time, as well as in your own thinking & the sound of your own voice. And the awareness game shows you, as well, what you can do about it, if you'd like.
I wish you all
the best, in the use of these insights. They'll only have value when you see them on your own. And if you can learn to use what you
find in the personality & essence wheel for harmony & understanding,
instead of for taking advantage, then you'll come to appreciate the full value of the strengths & qualities that lie within you in the essence of who you are.
Experiential
Thumbnail Sketches
seeing the themes of the 8 types on the playground
(The first name of each type is its essence (strengths & qualities). The
second name is the personality of the type (manipulations & defenses). Positive & negative emotional feelings are in parentheses. The "stake" of each personality type is *out there* in every present meeting that takes place w/another
person.)
1. Can Do Person/Dictator. Brave, strong, manually competent, bold / arrogant, pushy, demanding, destructive. (Courage / Fear). In personality: wants to be respected, whether earned or not. Stake: being in control of other people.
2. Teacher/Con Artist. Smart, discerning, inventive, articulate/shrewd, cold, aloof, taking selfish advantage. (Solitude / Loneliness). In personality: wants to be seen as "the best." Stake: outsmarting others &
being admired.
3. Player/Judge. Balanced, disciplined, wise, playful / judgmental, cynical, sarcastic, punishing. (Humor, Fun / Anger). In personality: wants to win the argument & straighten out the other person. Stake:
being right (& making others wrong).
4. Artist/Rebel. Sensitive, attuned, unique, moving
/ over-sensitive, rejected, spitefully rejective, outrageous. (Artistic Sensitivity / Jealousy, "over-sensitivity"). In personality: wants, in everything, to do it their
own way (for the beauty of it as they see it) & not be told what to do. Stake:
not having "the beauty of it" spoiled.
5. Hard Worker/Doormat. Modest, understanding, willing to do the *hard*
work, empathetic / shy, self-doubting, self-effacing, lazy (Sweet Rest / Shame, Depression).
In personality: wants everything to be easy. Stake: comfort.
6. Student/Believer. Energetic, eagerly curious & interested, loyal, highly intuitive / hyper, phobic-obsessive, believes too easily, taken advantage of (Excitement, Enthusiasm / Nervousness, Anxiety). In personality: dependent on others for advice & approval. Stake: security.
7. Lover/Martyr. Natural, tender,
spontaneous, free / melodramatic, suffering over lost love, giving love to get love, used ("martyred"). (tenderness love / Sadness). In personality: wants -- indescriminately -- to be loved back. [The only answer to this dilemma for the many who encounter it's to learn to
love w/no expectation of love in return.] Stake: intimacy.
8. Healer/Kind Helper. Nourishing, responsible, caretaking, healing / worrying, interfering, giving help whether needed or wanted or not, undermining. (Friendly Love / Guilt). In personality: they want to have their company be safe, healthy, clean & well-nourished.
(Underlying that, they don't want their company to take any chances in their lives, else they get
hurt in life & don't come back.) Stake: having & keeping company.
Note from Kathleen.... the following information was also on the same page as the above information. this additional
"insight" from the Coach will help in your understanding of the prior information!!!!
kathleen!!!
Coaching Notes
Can you see which several of the types above appear to be somewhat like, or most like you as you know your self
from long experience?
The "true self" is all in the essence. The "false self" is all in personality.
The "shadow self," the automatic, conditioned self that follows our ego around in sleep, the "false self" as
it is called in many teachings, is all in the personality.
Within each of the types, the flavor, or theme carries thru from the essence to the personality. See if you
can study this out w/each of the types. You could say that the personality has the same theme as the essence in each of these
types, only it carries that theme "too far," too much in excess, too "disturbingly" of the peace & harmony of others as well as themselves.
In the actions & activities of your own life, you may only have the characteristics of the essence in a
number of these types & not have the characteristics of the personality of those types. With certain other types, you
may have the characteristics of both the essence AND the personality.
While, on the one hand, I'm wishing to direct some light on the whole spectrum of strengths & qualities
that you have in the essence side of these types . . . . . it's the personality side that we're "stalking" here. The main
focus is in the several of these types where you may find that you have a lot of the characteristics of personality. It's
in these several types where you can learn the most from this class.
In the *action* part of this study, "the move" might become lightening up a little on the activities of the
personality of a given type where it goes to excess . . . . . & relying more *by choice* on the moderate essence that
lies underneath.
For usually, it's in the several types where we have the most personality where the essence goes most ignored & we get ourselves into *the most trouble* in life. In other words, we get so much into the personality of those types
that we get habituated to that & never turn to the essence of those types.
And the ego-driven personalities *cause trouble* to get what they want. They manipulate. They try to force life to be a certain way because they want it -- this w/out reference to *whether it's to be at all*.
. . . . of if so, when? The ego-driven personalities have no regard for that. They just want what they want as soon as they
can have what they want. They want other people to be, not who they really are, but who they want them to be.
Since everybody's got an ego, wanting what they want all the time, this leads to profound confusions within the human race, not to mention within our own families, among our friends & w/those we work & play with.
We all have ego-driven personalities. Each of us in our several characteristic ways (among
these 8 types) go too far. We over-do it. We disturb the peace. We bring disharmony to others & right back upon ourselves, as they give disharmony right back. Pow! This is the human
condition, globally. It's the condition of the leaders on high & the people below. "What you sow is what you reap." That
says it perfectly. Sow personality, you get personality. Sow essence, you get essence.
Any hope for humanity lies in our catching on to this. But catching on to this takes mindfulness, first & then the ability to look at human behavior objectively in awareness & see what it's really like. That's how it becomes possible to understand the value
in "stepping aside from your personality," which disturbs the peace of others & "stepping out in the essence that lies underneath," which not only harmonizes w/others, but "gets the job
done"- - whatever it is that's going on -- as well!
To summarize one of the points above, you may find the characteristics of your essence in *all* of the types.
The trick, then, is in learning to recognize the few of these types, the several types among the 8, where you *do appear to have* a lot of the characteristics of personality
showing up in what you routinely do day after day. These several personality types can be "worked on," as they say in spiritual approaches. Or, as we say here on the playground, they can be "played with," in a game called the awareness game.
A few points about "mystical or metaphysical terminology," so to speak:
The way we look at it in this study, the names on the left side on the chart above, the essence side, represent
the themes of the characteristics of your *being*. And the names on the right side show the themes of the characteristics
of what is referred to here as the "self."
"Being" & "Self." Being is the essence & self is the personality. Being is the strengths & qualities that we are born with.
And self is the manipulations of personality that we acquire as we're growing up -- & which we can learn to "slip," by practicing studies like this.
The idea is in letting go of self & dwelling in being instead.
As looked at here, it is a process of mindfully working on, or "playing with," the main types of the personality -- the stuff that goes on routinely on "the shadow side"
of our lives, in order to . . . . . "slip that," when we wake up & see it clearly. Then we can just "let the light of
our essence shine" in the strengths & qualities that are already there that we can "put into play" on the spot. This can
go very smoothly & voluntarily, if we practice.
But regardless of all the differing technical terminologies that are around for these points in the many spiritual & mystical teachings (which are all revealing the same things in their respective contexts)
all that matters here is that you catch on to the idea of it -- that there are useful components in our over-all make up which
are innate. We were all born w/these. And there are harmful ("maladaptive," conflict-creating)
components in our make-up that have been acquired as we were growing up. And by doing these over & over again during our
lives, we have become *conditioned* to go on doing them in the same ways, over & over again & reaping the consequences
throughout our lives.
Here, we're interested in becoming more & more free of this harmful conditioning. We're practicing to be able to access more & more often the strengths & qualities of
our underlying essence & *put that out into play in life* w/other people, as best we can.
Again, many people who study this diagnostic tool find that they have the characteristics of the essence side
of all 8 of these types. They have a certain amount of Can-Do Person, Teacher, Player, Artist, Hard Worker, Student, Lover
& Healer in their make-up. This is their essence -- that is, they were born w/all these strengths & qualities of all
8 of these types & they're innate. That's the way it is for most of us. We can all be "tough" if we have to; we can all
"love tenderly," etc., etc. "Statistically," it's very likely that you, too -- give or take a type or
two, in rare cases -- have your share of all 8 of these essential qualities at your disposition, whether aware of it or not.
That's not where the difficulty lies. In fact, that's the area of the blessings & the more it can be brought
into light out of the shadows, the happier we'll all be on Earth together. We all - each & every one of us -- have plenty of resources in the qualities of our essence
. . . resources enough!!!
The difficulty in ordinary life is that all so often people don't realize or remember that they have these masterful
qualities of their essence always available within them! They become *absorbed in the constant activities of their personalities* & they forget this. This is why the greater part of human interaction
in everyday encounters takes place in personality. This is true at home & away from home.
In the ordinary meetings that people have -- both w/those that are close to them & those that are hardly
known - it's the personalities that are out there in the room, blatantly: Dictator, Con Artist, Judge, Rebel, Doormat, Believer,
Martyr & Kind Helper. You'll be interested & perhaps surprised to see how often this shows up at work, at home &
even where you go to relax & have fun. "Human relations," for the most part, wherever one goes, is a constant series of "match-ups" between
these ego-driven contenders that are in activity in all of us.
This is what you may see most of the time when you wake up in mindfulness & take a patient & contemplative look at "what's happening now" among people who are relating for 10 or 15 minutes or so. The personalities
are out there. This course is about learning to see this, in awareness.
And don't think that teachers & coaches don't have personalities, because they do. The only edge teachers have is that they can wake
up more often, coming from regular practice. And they can catch-on more easily & more often that their personalities are
out there when that's what's happening. And, of course, they're "masters" because they can then be awake enough to do something
about it on the spot.
And one can become a master of this no matter what their personality is - that is, whichever several of the
8 types seem to take an apparent lead in the way that their life plays out. And they'll be able to see & w/practice, to
be able to remember to see more & more often.
Two people are there in a room together w/their personalities & each of them has their several characteristic
stakes in the meeting & their several characteristic manipulations to go after those stakes -- such as correspond w/the several types of their respective personalities.
And, most interesting: neither of them is aware of this in either their own self or the other. And w/out knowing they have different personalities, each w/their own several
distinct views & stakes in the matter at hand . . . . neither really understands the other,
not where they're coming from nor what they're wishing for.
Yet, each of them pretends that they can understand each other (according to the concepts of reason & logic) & be understood. They each think that the other person "ought to be able to understand their view." They "think" they understand where the other is coming from. They're likely to expect, or even demand that the other person ought to think about it the same way they do (which is all that seems "normal" from the perspective of each of
these 8 quite distinct types).
But this doesn't take into account the fact, that each type only looks at the situation the way *that type*
looks at it. They only wish for what *that type* wants. The different types *don't understand each
other* in this. They each only (as it's going on) understand
it in their own typical, habitual, conditioned way, the way that they have "always" looked at things like this, the only way
that they know how to regard anything as "normal."
This is why so many *typical* misunderstandings arise among people. Their personalities are different! And they don't understand this.
How often have we been told that when we have a conflict w/ another person it can be very beneficial to "look at it from the other person's point of view?" But how is one to do that?
Only thru an understanding of the personality types & by *recognizing* the type that is involved, can one know what the other person's position is.
Most people simply ignore entirely the whole question of finding a coherent way to communicate thru the typical confusions & misunderstandings that come up in almost all relationships w/other people. Yet finding a way to share this kind of understanding
w/ another person can be extremely germaine to real *companionship*.
People suppose that they already understand "as well as it's possible to understand."
But this doesn't take into consideration the powerful *resource* of mindfulness in such an effort. Of course, most people by far have never even heard of mindfulness. Many who have learned mindfulness seldom remember it. And many diligent mindfulness practitioners simply don't have a diagnostic system available that they can use in conjunction w/their awareness to accomplish this kind of deeper understanding.
That's why this diagnostic tool is being made available here in the playground. Indeed, this approach provides a student w/an excellent way to practice mindfulness that is interesting, fun & very practical, so that this awareness will proliferate in a student's life. The more one practices mindfulness, the more it's remembered. And this is an excellent way to get in that practice every day.
It's in the personality side that people differ so much from one another. (And they
aren't aware of it, as they try to establish rapport & cooperation in whatever project or event is going on.) We all have a
lot in common on the essence side (if that could be remembered). It's in the make-up of
our individual personalities that we're so different from the others that we are involved w/in our daily lives.
Each of our respective personality types *expects* others to be able to feel & think the same way that they do. They don't realize that many other people's make-up is *different* & therefore it's *impossible*
for them to feel & think the same way that they do. In the main, other people feel & think the way their types feel & think. You feel & think the way your types feel & think, in the main.
People usually find that there are 3 of these types (sometimes 4) that hold
the great majority of the characteristics that they actually can identify in their selves by practicing mindful daily study of this.
Each of us usually "specializes," you could say, in 3 of these 8 types when we are "caught up" in the conditioned
activities of our personalities. (For most people, that's most of the time.) Once these
several types have been identified, they can be called a person's "primary types."
Thru continuing study & practice, a student can usually eventually identify one of their primary types which
takes the lead most often in the main ways that they live their life. This can be called the "chief feature," or "chief personality
type." (Try not to be in too much of a hurry to figure this chief type out, or else there might
be some worthwhile surprises that you might miss. For now, just see if you can catch on to your several principal types.)
The personality is acquired as we're growing up from childhood. More & more we imitate (or do the exact opposite of) the adults in the world around us as we're growing up. We start applying the manipulations of personality that have *taken over* human behavior in the adult world. (They give us better
grades for this, in fact!) And the more we rely on personality, the less we remember &
use the natural traits of the essence that we were born w/(although these strengths are still there
within us).
Eventually, it's *all* just personality in our human societies -- governance, politics, journalism, the courts,
business, labor, the "market," family, education, religion, medicine, sports, the arts, even human services. Eventually it's
all just personality! Every human body in the streets has got its automatic, conditioned stakes in every event that happens.
And "ordinary life" is all just blindly going after those stakes by using manipulations in sleep, w/scarcely glances to the side to see, in awareness, what this powerful & beautiful force of human essence is & what it can be & do.
The object of this mindful training is NOT for you to be able to "drop" the whole complex body of your ego & your personality formation. This training &
the game that is taught here, the awareness game -- is for application in the present moment only. You don't have to worry about your "whole gigantic ego," so to speak, or your "whole gigantic personality." All you
need to do is focus on the one obvious part of it that is happening *now* in the present moment, in any place or situation that you happen to be.
By learning to recognize the components of your "ego-driven personality" this way, you're able, first of all, to study that. And then, as your studies
lead to more & more cumulative understanding of your over-all make-up, you're in a position
to *do something about it*
You can learn to be able to make a choice to drop your ego-driven personality in the present moment & to put into play *by choice* the essential strength & quality of your essence that lies underneath it instead.
[This is a "transformative" act, for those who pursue the many spiritual trainings that teach enlightenment & transformation.]
In other words, by recognizing a conditioned activity of your personality in mindfulness in a present moment, you're able to put an essential strength & quality into action instead, if you choose to. This is the quintessential
"move" of the awareness game.
But for now, you must begin to learn what the flavors & themes of these 8 types are, if you're to be able
to play this game. The thumbnail sketches in the chart above are designed to give you a start w/some hints of the "flavor"
of the theme of each type. Print out that page (one), if you'd like to have it handy for
practice. It's a "teaching tool."
See if you can start putting these clues into action already by keeping them in mind & watching your self
& others in mindfulness.
In lessons on the playground that will follow, you'll get more specific details & fuller explanations of
each of the types. Coach
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Just Gotta Say It...
this is my newest feature at the emotional feelings network of sites! It seems like
I just can't keep quiet about certain things. I've been having a "tug of war" in my mind over this subject, as I seem to do
with most controversial topics - so it's a new - "Just Gotta Say It!" for you all concerning the victims
of the two sister Hurricanes - Katrina & Rita!
I've watched it all... since
the beginning....
first the weather news as the storm became a tropical depression...
then as Katrina became a "hurricane" heading straight towards
my oldest daughter's home in South Florida....
my stomach tightened, my body tensed....
i feared for her safety - waiting impatiently - in dread of her having to "wait out" yet another
hurricane. it's personal for me as well, you see... the eye was floating between Miami and West Palm Beach...
my oldest daughter lives
just south of West Palm Beach, Florida. she's single, alone & hates these hurricanes... last year it just about drove her over the edge she was so afraid... in the dark... uncomfortably hot ... fearful... anxious... i just wish she'd fly
home when those hurricanes decide to go that way
... but what mom wouldn't?
my husband slightly agitated with me... i continue to watch the weather, vigilently, even though Katrina has passed over south Florida and is now in the Gulf
of Mexico.... I'm still watching her because after living thru a few of those hurricanes myself in Florida, i know all too
well what they're capable of doing...
they can turn themselves around if they decide they want to....
don't call me crazy... there's really something serious beginning
to take place here... something that everyone in the world needs to "get real" about.... it's this global warming thing...
i can't help myself as my thoughts drift to the book of Revelation in the bible.... i do believe in God...
but what you don't understand is...
once you've been victimized like the people now, in the Gulf Coast area, once you've been diagnosed with
post traumatic stress disorder, especially to the extreme, like i have.... you live in a heightened state of arousal... you
live in hypersensitivity all of the time, it never quits... each big news trauma broadcasted takes you to a place that forces
you to "re-live" your own excruciating trauma(s)...
heaven forbid you have to "re-live" the number of traumas that i've experienced in my lifetime....
as Katrina builds its intensity, i continue watching...
i'm wondering if they're getting ready...
i'm anticipating the destruction, devastation, i wonder if they'll prepare...
i'm worried for them all...
it's nothing to be in denial about. i've been there before - in more ways than one....
trapped inside your home, windows boarded up, the noise gets so loud & it stays with you for so long...
things hit your house... coconuts fly thru the air as well as lawn furniture, garbage, roof shingles, house siding, just about
anything that isn't tied down... you imagine what it is as it slams against your outside walls..... it seems like it takes
forever to stop... and when it does, the sound is still in your mind... it's very unnerving, frightening and uncertain....
but i know how those who have been raised in these storms begin to look at them... my ex-husband slept
through Hurricane David so many years ago... I was frantic, he was snoring.... we didn't have any electricity for a week....
it was a big pain... we were uncomfortable... but it was a hurricane... a natural disaster.... what did we expect?
i didn't know what to expect... it was my first. my ex -husband knew though... he just kept sleeping no
matter how many times i laid down next to him, several months pregnant (also for the first time) sighing loudly, hoping to
get just a slight moment of recognition from him, hoping and needing some reassurance......
the people of new orleans and the gulf coast knew what to expect though... they have had so many hurricanes....
i guess they just got complacent... i guess they just wanted to stay in their beds and sleep through it... snoring peacefully
through the loud noise of the storm....
i can't help but to compare it to my very volatile marriages - full of domestic violence... there's the
calm before the storm... then the storm hits.... the rest of the world's sleeping, snoring soundly.... i'm being beaten to
a pulp - physically & mentally being assaulted.... no one notices though... they're all safe....... i'm alone and once
again... in a very sorry state of affairs....
i knew what to expect... it always seemed to happen again and again - over and over - i talked myself
into believing that each time it wouldn't happen, but deep down inside - i knew it would... and each time i'd never know the
velocity of the attack, how swift, how powerful, but i knew that it would happen again... i guess i just thought it was my
plight, my destiny, my own doing....
and now most of my days, waiting for Katrina to unleash its power upon the people on the Gulf Coast, i'm
re-living my own personal traumas... it's what we do - victims that have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder...
it's what we do minute by agonizing minuty during the daytime, re-living the pain and hurt that never really leaves us...
and at night, we sleep restlessly, dreaming of violence, hatred, feelings of helplessness, hopelessnes,
and images of those who hurt us.... it's crazy.... it's hurtful.... it breeds more negativity in your life.... just when you
think you may be heading forward with the disorder, someone else's trauma brings you backwards again....
whoaaaaaaaa stop the world, i want to get off!!!!! i think to myself after opening my eyes in the morning....
i just hate dreaming of ex-husbands ridiculing me, abusing me, making me miserable...
i'm obsessed now....
watching cnn and the weather channel... my life on hold, telling my children, "be quiet! i'm listening
to the television about the hurricane!"
ignoring the hurt look on their faces as they had hoped to share with me their day at school.... i'm living
in the moment of "that feeling"....
"that feeling" that is difficult to put into words.....
it's difficult to describe because it's so tragic, so terrible,
so horribly terrifying... it's all the negative feelings and emotions one can think of - all rolled up into "one big feeling"
of pain.... it makes you cringe inside of yourself....
it forces itself on you - uninvited - it puts you back into your "victim
place" - holding you there - causing you to feel unable to breathe, unable to move - unable to predict or think what you can
do with yourself - it owns you....
and when the storm ends....
there i am. alone in my fear, my anxiety, my depression... total destruction lay around me....... i had
nothing left.... i had been defeated.... but i straightened up the house... i took a shower and avoided looking into the mirror
when i brushed out my hair... avoiding the swollen eyes, the distraught pursed lips.... i was getting used to it.... i was
becoming complacent...
things that had meant so much, priceless, irreplaceable, pictures, wedding presents of lead crystal, my
own personal collectibles, all gone forever, thrown away in a plastic stained garbage can, tiny pieces of things... they never
meant anything to him... only to me... i wondered how i'd ever get over the emptiness inside me... slowly throughout the years
i was losing myself....
then as so many thousands, maybe millions, of other women experiencing domestic violence in their relationships...
i ended it. i got a divorce... only to meet yet another abusive man and remarry .... starting over.. new wedding presents,
new memories, new pictures... all to be lost again in a slow tragic methodology .... it continues on a new level... this time
my husband was a cop... this time the intensity was that much stronger, these storms were stronger, these storms more personally
hurtful... mental abuse, physical abuse, being thrown out on my doorstep in the night time, naked, literally naked, begging
to come back in, begging for him to unlock the door... totally humiliated in front of my children... the abuse - "the storms"
increase in their savage brutality.... they are beating me up so much more completely than before, i am succumbing, but still
won't prepare...
still won't believe it will happen again... still won't leave when i hear the storm sirens blaring...
i continue to receive the wrath of my storms.... i continue to see my children suffer through it all... i continue to berate
myself over it all.... i think i am beginning to lose my mind...
more serious than complacency, i am turning towards apathy... i don't care about myself or my children
anymore... it's just the way things are.... besides.... how can one escape "the long arm of the law?"
i watch the faces of the people discovering the devastation they are faced with for the first time, their
expressionless faces, their vacant minds unable to comprehend their loss, "there is no help for them" i say to myself....
i'm dead serious.... they'll never forget that feeling, never again will they feel secure in the knowledge that they are okay....
they know now that there's always the possibility of losing everything... so they detach.... they detach themselves to keep
sane.... it's the beginning of a horrible relationship with their own mind... it's the beginning of what i believe there's
no end to...
eight years later....
he left me...
he left me in the daytime, not the middle of the night...
he left me for my best friend...
he moved in with her, right next door....
no - you're not picturing this yet.... we shared a common wall - next door - like in a condo next door - i could hear
them thru the wall - laughing .... probably laughing at me....
the two of them standing in my kitchen...
both glaring at me...
she says, "I stole your husband, I'll steal your son as well...."
she did...
he let her, he helped her, he defeated me...
my katrina had come in....
the "big one...."
leaving total devastation, total destruction, nothing remained, no one was home anymore, no one ... not
even me.... finally it had taken me over the edge... nothing had ever been so painful... nothing had ever hurt so much.....
where was my public outcry over this horrible wrong?
where were my family and friends?
how could americans stand by and condone this behavior?
how could the sheriff's office allow him to continue to work as a public servant?
where did the values and morals of this country go?
people were accepting this...
he was lying about me, victimizing me more... consulting with my previous abusive husband in their plans to take my son....
this was my storm... this was my storm that had been coming, i should have seen it, braced for it, prepared for it... but
i didn't... i thought i'd make it through it like i had so many times before....
my own personal katrina had ravaged me....
i was homeless...
no clothes...
no family....
no friends....
my world had been destroyed.
i stood alone, left only
with rambling, sometimes racing thoughts, memories and tears...
those were the better moments.... sometimes i couldn't even cry... total despair, total degradation, there
were thoughts of suicide, there were nights of too much alcohol, there were two pack days of smoking, there was fear, and
"gnashing of teeth...."
i was open prey .... defenseless... i was breathing and that was all... there were no hopes, no dreams,
no tomorrows... and i let myself once again become victim to the ravaging storms of domestic violence...... once again i got
involved with an abusive man... once again another storm hit.... you might call that storm - "rita"
i had to concede in the custody hearing...
they told my son to start calling her, "mom" that very day, on his way home from school.... his
new home that is....
i couldn't breathe any more....
i couldn't think anymore....
i was comatose...
i was insignificant....
i was no one.....
i was totally alone.... for the first time in my life.
i might as well have been the victim on the rooftop... waving arms, staring up in the sky....
"god.... do you see me?"
"god, i'm here... please save me...."
now my life was in danger.... now all i had to give up was myself, my breath, my
beating heart... i was in grave danger... murderous danger....
i knew what could happen to me now... i had seen the devastation take over my life, losing my family,
my home, in grief, despair, loneliness, emptiness and i decided to go.....
i decided to flee... far away from it all....
i left.... for good... never to return to that place, but this time, the storm followed me, not as intense
as the previous storms, just more dangerous, more willful, more stubborn, more everything.... it was trying to kill me....
leave nothing behind....
i had to laugh at that thought... there was already nothing
left to take... i had been erased, removed, and remained invisible....
no one wanted to help me.... there were laws against this
there were judges, a system, support groups, lawyers, but no one would help me... it seemed as though
i had no voice... i was talking and no one was hearing....
being sheltered was like being in prison... no one understood, no one cared.... i almost died more than
once in the safety of the shelters....
but where was the public outcry?
where were the democrats? calling for an investigation? an inquiry?
where was justice and fairness?
i was just another domestic
violence victim... domestic violence victims would always be here - somewhere - in some place - always needy, always alone
and always wondering.... how can people let this go on?
i had a brief thought.... domestic violence must be making good money out there in the world for
someone.... because no one will make it go away.... and we all know.... money is what's really important in the long
run.... money & power
as i watched the television - in constant hypervigilant state, the horrible pictures of the outcome of both storms combined, i listened to my husband offering
the update on those of you out there believing that our president was at fault for the suffering of our fellow americans....
i felt genuine empathy and compassion for him and for the head of fema that had been forced out....
for who is so strong as a single force to have ravaged these
people in such a way?
only one person or entity that i know of.... god, of course...
smiling slightly - i had
thoughts of those of you out there replying quickly and curtly to my thoughts... "god is good, he could never do anything
like that to people. why would he anyway?"
i always smile at those comments.... i wonder if those people ever read the bible before or if they had
that special capacity for "selective understanding of our God."
my thoughts shifted to those of you out there who wasted their precious energies on "blaming" - "name
calling" - and "finger pointing" and thought again to myself, you must all be democrats...
let's waste some good money
on investigating this whole debacle.... let's use money that could go to rebuilding these peoples' lives to persecute, plunder
and execute..... let's wreak more havoc upon our country.... let's lie - stay in denial - let's throw a party for the abusive
men and women in our country..... we'd be
in good company....
our president is doing the best he can... for who are we to judge anyone? have
we all been without mistake? those people in the ravaged Gulf Coast regions that had been living on public assistance have
been engulfed in the ugly world of "learned helplessness" for so long that they've come to "expect things."
i've seen it before.... you
see, being a victim allows you to learn lots of things... just visit a domestic violence shelter and find out for yourself.....
you become a prisoner of the system.... they let you be like that - incapable of fending for yourself.... depending on the
system for everything.......
you have to live by their rules... rules that have no other meaning than to keep chaos and turmoil at
limits... no offering of hope... no opportunity for personal growth and development... if you survive from living in the system....
you're lucky ... but you don't know it until you somehow get out....
it's a dreadful world out there folks.... it's much harder than any of you know.... take a look at yourself,
deep inside yourself and ask yourself if you are offering help or "a hook..."
think about it if you will....
before you have to weather your own personal hurricanes - take it from a victim.... you can never go back to being victimless
- so heed the good warning.
The Nine
Insights - Originally
posted as INSIGHT.ASC on 10/30/94 on the KeelyNet BBS, inspired by the book 'The Celestine Prophecy' by James Redfield, shared
thru the courtesy of Steve Gantt.
I’d like to thank Steve Gantt of Houston for sending me a copy
of this MOST excellent book. It has apparently been on the bestseller list for quite awhile, yet because many of us here on
KeelyNet are very focused as to our interests; we don't normally pay much attention to 'non-relevant' topics such as fiction
or what the general public is interested in.
You can't go wrong by reading this book. It ties in so many observations
about life & many of the things we here at KeelyNet discuss. I couldn't put the book down w/out great difficulty because
it continually draws you on to find out what the next insight is. Because of the necessity of detailing the insights,
I'd been putting it off, but w/the advent of Mr. Redfield on the Oprah show, I was spurred to get it online in a file form.
Once the book was read in its entirety, there was never any question
that the 9 Insights needed to be collected into a file w/as much backup information as
possible. If this file inspires you in the least, please buy the book, it's a worthy addition to any library.
I thought it would have been handy if
an appendix was included in the book w/these 9 insights already
elucidated, but since there wasn't, here it is.
The Celestine Prophecy IS A NOVEL about an ancient Peruvian manuscript
containing 9 Insights to help
you achieve a fulfilling life. It predicts a massive transformation in human
society predicted to take place in the last decades of the 20th century.
Please note the book is not factual as many of the New Agers have
been so upset about. The point however, is that the information is inspiring, uplifting & useful in our daily lives &
for that, we're grateful to Mr. Redfield for putting it all together.
The following text consists of paraphrased comments from the Oprah
show of Friday, October 28th, the rest is extrapolated from the book in the form of Insights.
The main message of the book according to Mr. Redfield was to inspire people to get in touch w/the most exciting part about life. That is, watching the mysterious coincidences
happen that lead us toward a particular destiny & in believing that our
lives are going somewhere that'll help to make the world a better place.
We're
learning to take notice of the synchronicities of life & to get the messages that are being given as direction to us.
The argument revolves around two basic premises.
· One is that everything happens for a reason & thus there are no accidents.
· The second is based on a dynamic free will which doesn't allow for pre-destination.
Closer to the present understanding
of many people is that the dynamic free will does allow us to make choices when offered infinite possibilities. Were everything
pre-destined, we wouldn't have those choices.
We have all the power we could ever use or want. Instead of realizing
this, we continually try to get power from others.
No matter what god you believe in, that god wouldn't get hung up on the name that
it was called. There are multiple paths to achieve the same end result.
All of these new books offer 'seasonings' to make God palatable to
the World. (referenced as from Matthew, fourth chapter)
If you feel connected to something other than yourself, you're becoming a part of a greater purpose & recognizing that you have a part to play.
Each coincidence is a test. You can't learn until you pass the test.
If you don't get it the first time, you get successive opportunities, each w/a firmer influence. Each time is a louder wake
up call. It's up to each of us to recognize when the coincidence occurs & try to find the
message that is being communicated to us.
You're where you are in life because of what you believe & what you have acted on. Our thoughts & actions control our lives & can be altered to change our lives.
Since you can't practically affect the entire world, you should affect
the world on a more personal basis, thru the people you touch & the people who touch you. Service to others is one way
of making a difference & that service can take many forms. There are infinite choices you can make in your own life to
influence events to flow in a positive, evolving direction.
We must understand that all the day to day occurrences that we experience
happen for a reason. We're beginning to see messages in the happenings around us which lead us to a higher meaning.
We're all messengers for each other & these messages come in the
form of coincidences. It's up to each of us to ferret out the message when it presents itself. The message usually gets our
attention in the form of a coincidence. Sometimes, the message
won't be so obvious, other times, it'll be crystal clear.
Take advantage of the synchronicity to get the answers to your questions.
You will know truth & guidance when it resonates w/your inner feelings & intuitions.
It's not enough to simply recognize coincidences when they occur, but to try to get
the message that is offering itself to you.
Events happen to wake people up to a hidden meaning. When everybody
wakes up & has the common agreement that we would not glamorize negative things, it then happens less often or to lesser
degrees.
As soon as we take personal responsibility, everything seems to improve.
When enough people consciously agree, that is when things change.
The more people move in a spiritual direction, the more things will change. We communicate by presenting a model to others,
if it's a positive model, it then becomes contagious & produces positive changes. The opposite holds true also, when we
present negative role models, others begin to copy that role model & we create our own problems by devolving. Children are especially
sensitive in their formative years to the models presented to
them.
We need to begin expecting miracles that'll reveal our true mission in life. If we stay true to our life mission & do the inner work
necessary to allow us to get out of our own way, opportunities will present themselves to help you w/your problems.
Eastern & Western philosophies can be integrated into a higher
spiritual truth. Yes, the West is correct in maintaining that life is about progress, about
always trying to evolve to something higher & better than what existed before.
But, so too is the East correct in teaching that we must
let go of the control of our ego. Logic alone will not provide the answer, instead,
we must seek a higher consciousness, an inner connection w/God, guided by the coincidences & synchronicities
which present themselves to us every day.
The
Nine Insights
(from the Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield)
What follows are extrapolations & direct quotes from the book.
Insight #1
The first insight
occurs when we become conscious of the coincidences in our lives & that some other process is operating.
It manifests as a profound sense of restlessness, which leads people to take a 'me-first' & demanding attitude.
Once we reach a certain critical mass, the entire culture will begin
to take these coincidences more seriously. Chance coincidences are meant to happen. Recognizing & following them will start you on your path to your spiritual truth.
The coincidences take the form of a series of events, which point
to a higher path. Each is a message leading us to a grander awareness. There is a spiritual program in operation. These coincidences are leading us to our spiritual destiny. Once you become aware of these coincidences, you'll note they happen
more often. We have been pooh-poohing miraculous or chance happenings as nothing to seriously consider or as anything
that could remotely have an intended purpose or provide a sense of direction.
2nd Insight
The 2nd
insight puts our current awareness into a longer historical perspective
for the purpose of attaining a new approach to Spirituality. It teaches us that we should live our beliefs rather than talk about them. These beliefs are communicated by actions that we take in our
own lives which project a model to others.
Historically, mankind has been thru periods which are controlled by
various beliefs & attitudes. i.e., during the Middle Ages reality was
defined by the Christian Church. Because of the church influence, each person was to choose between good & evil as guided
by interpretation of the scriptures by those most qualified to do so, i.e. the priests of the Church. Since the common man
was not qualified to make such an interpretation, he had to rely exclusively on those given by the Church.
Every aspect of the medieval world was defined
in other-worldly terms, which was interpreted by the representatives of the church. As the priesthood began to fall apart
thru abuse of power & violations of their oaths to god & church,
rebellion grew among the populace.
Factions & splinter groups developed their own interpretation
of the scriptures. The rebellion was partly due to disgust w/the actions of the established priesthood & partly because
the people felt they should have access to the scriptures & be allowed to form their own personal interpretations w/out
the need of any middlemen.
As the nature of the world was explored, science developed, resulting
in an ever increasing quest for knowledge & understanding of our universe & its properties. Our questions regarding God & the
meaning of life hadn't been answered, so we sent out explorers to report back on what they found as a means of keeping us
busy.
As mankind progressed, mechanization & technology led to higher
& higher levels of consumerism, thereby leading us away from our age old quest for the spiritual meaning of life.
The purpose of the 2nd insight is to extend our consciousness of historical time to enable us to see the
progression of humankind back to its quest for spirituality & away from our current preoccupation w/economic
security. Once we come to realize this as a natural & inevitable progression, we can then take steps to help the process
along.
3rd Insight
It describes a new understanding of the
physical world, teaching us how to perceive what was formerly an invisible energy. This energy is what pervades & sustains
the universe. It's malleable to human intention & expectation & can be consciously caused to flow out into the world & affect other energy systems. Interactions between living
systems, including humans, involves a blending, depletion or absorption of this energy, depending on the situation.
The physical world is actually a vast system of energy. The universe
is energy which responds to our expectations, since people are part of the universe, when we have a question, people will show up who have the answer we seek. Sometimes
it might not be the complete answer to your question, but it'll provide a part.
Perception of this energy is thru an enhanced, heightened
sensitivity to beauty. Beauty is on the same wave length as this heretofore invisible energy. (aura & subtle energy viewing techniques would help us to learn to percieve & consciously manipulate
these energy flows, see AURAVIEW.ZIP on KeelyNet.....Vanguard Sciences)
How do you recognize when someone has a message for you? Sudden, spontaneous eye contact or a sense or recognition indicates the two people involved should talk. Such recognition indicates that person is in a similar 'thought group' as yourself & that one
or both of you have information which needs to be exchanged. You should open up to communication by overcoming any reservations or shyness that might prevent you from
approaching the person.
4th Insight
The 4th insight
points out that for a long time, we humans have been unconsciously competing for the only part of this energy
we have been open to; that part that flows between people. Conflict occurs when humans feel the need to control & dominate one another.
When we control another human, we absorb their energy, leading to a sense of gratification & motivation to continue the practice. We thus become 'addicted' to the feeling & will get progressively more demanding & out of control in our efforts to absorb ever more energy from our interactions w/others.
5th Insight
The 5th insight
deals w/how we don't have to steal energy from others but instead can absorb energy directly from the universe if only we can open up to it.
The universe & our local environment is rich w/energy which we
can learn to sense & become a part of. Once this insight is understood, we no longer have the need to engage in situations which attempt to dominate or create conflict w/others.
Recognizing that such vast stores of energy are ours to freely use will help mankind to eliminate the many tensions & stresses that arise from interactions w/others who drain
energy.
6th Insight
The 6th insight
deals w/'Control Dramas', which are ways we have learned to get energy flowing in our direction. They then become
programmed into our subconscious as patterns to be repeated over & over again because they work to get control of a situation, dominate it & pull power from others into you.
Childhood traumas block our ability to fully experience the mystical. All humans tend toward 1 of 4 "control dramas." Intimidators, Interrogators, Aloof people & Poor-Me's.
We all fit into one category or another. One control drama is dominant but you'll use whichever you need at the moment to feel more secure, tending to repeat the category which
works best for you.
Once you learn to recognize the control drama currently in place, you can sidestep it to avoid conflict & the associated draining of energy from your participation.
Energy is stolen from you when you engage in another person's control drama. We all do it subconsciously when we feel the need. Covert manipulations for energy can't exist if you bring them to consciousness by pointing them out. Such a revealing causes both people to become
more real & honest.
Since control dramas are instilled in us in reaction to the control dramas instilled in our parents by their parents, we must seek out why we act as we do, reintepret the experience from a
more evolved & spiritual point of view & discover who we really are. Once we accomplish this, the control drama dissolves away & our real lives take off.
It should be pointed out that control dramas can also be created as a defense mechanism for any situation which removes energy from the child. Thus, the parents aren't always the source of the control drama.
7th Insight
The 7th
insight deals w/the process of consciously evolving yourself, staying alert
to every coincidence, every answer the universe provides for you. Sometimes, when things have a special meaning, they jump
out at you, entering your consciousness in a forceful way, coming to you as guidance.
It also deals w/the interpretation of dreams. Compare the dream story
to your life. Bad dreams have the most important messages since they act as warnings of things that are probable but can be avoided by recognizing the message from the dream. We are also guided by our thoughts & daydreams. (Does this mean that if you learn to consciously control your dreams, you can, as the Yogis' & Hunas say, influence your destiny?...>>> Jerry)
When a thought comes, we must ask why? How does it relate to you
as seen from the position of an observer. When we assume the observer position, it places us IN THE FLOW of evolution, allowing
us an opportunity to influence it to our benefit.
The method of overcoming fear images is to substitute a good outcome in place of the bad. Eventually, negative images will almost never happen. When they occur thereafter, they have particularly serious meanings & their message should
be dealt w/accordingly.
8th Insight
The 8th insight
describes how we can aid others as they bring us the answers we seek. (This follows from
the 3rd Insight where
all energy is interconnected, including thru people, so when you seek an answer, the spiderweb of energy will resonate w/another
who has your answer & call them to you to provide that answer....>>> Jerry)
It also describes a whole new ethic governing the way humans should
treat each other in order to facilitate everyone's evolution. Energy can be used in a new way when relating to people in general,
particularly w/how we deal w/children. Children need our energy on a constant basis, w/out condition.
The worst thing you can do is to drain energy from a child while correcting
them. Control dramas are then created by the child to counter the loss of energy. Children should be included in conversations & not
spoken of as if they're not present or in the third person. You should also never take responsiblity for more children than you can devote your full attention to. This cancels out the need on the childs part to compete w/other children for the attention of the adult.
Questions from a child should be answered w/the utmost seriousness, avoiding fanciful answers which can confuse the child or build mistrust. Find a way to tell the child the truth
in terms they can understand.
Addiction to an opposite sex can pull energy from us because we have yet
to access this opposite sex energy in ourselves. When we first begin to evolve, we automatically begin to receive our opposite-sex
energy as it comes in naturally from the universe. However, another person can come along who provides this energy & who
can unknowingly cut us off from the universal source, thereby making us addicted TO THEM as our primary source.
You must learn to recognize when a control dramas is in place, break thru or sidestep them & focus on providing energy to the person who feels in need. When the energy is provided thru an alternate route (the universe
or environment) or exchanged in a mutually beneficial fashion between the two people, a comfort zone is established which fulfills the needs of both persons.
Interaction in group settings is also a part of the 8th
Insight. In such group meetings, some people feel self-conscious or shy & don't participate as easily as others. As the group members talk, new ideas surface
one at a time. If the group is aware of what's happening around them, they can sensitize themselves to feel who is about to speak w/the
next most powerful idea.
By consciously focusing their energies on this person, they'll help
to bring out the idea w/the greatest clarity. This technique is used to allow everyone to participate fully. One must be aware that the group energy focus can instill a good feeling in the current speaker, who continues to speak after the idea has been expressed, thereby monopolizing the conversation which
ends up sapping the group energies.
The idea is to add to the energy of each member of the group by projecting
your own energy & not to become so addicted to the 'rush' of energy as to monopolize & dominate the
group interaction. Share the energy.
9th Insight
The 9th insight deals w/where humans are going w/this new evolutionary process as a direct result of consciously
directed evolution. Old trees have significant stores of energy that create high energy zones of great beauty & spiritual strength. As we evolve, we will voluntarily decrease our
population to allow the growth & culturing of these old tree regions.
It predicts the development of totally automatic
support systems to sustain & nourish human life. Currency will not be needed & intuition will be the guide for the actions in each persons life,
thus establishing a harmonious balance in everyone's lives.
Our sense of purpose will be satisfied by the thrill of being able to influence our
own evolution. Mankind is on this planet to learn to consciously evolve. It further predicts that as whole groups of people
continue to increase their vibrations, they'll reach a point where they will simply disappear from the perceptions of those
on the lower vibrations.
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