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Belief In Ourselves
Belief is one of our most
powerful assets. With the ability to believe, you can accomplish nearly anything! The more you believe in yourself, the more you'll definitely accomplish.
Do you think you can lose 20 lbs, stop smoking, jump over a wall without touching it? If you said "NO," then you wouldn't be able to.
If you said, "Yes," then
you certainly would be able. It's just as simple as that.
When we face situations
that are near physical or mental impossibilities, then it's our belief system, or belief in ourselves, that determines IF it's possible.
Our body & minds are
stronger & more complex than most people think. We're capable of much more. People place too many limits on what they can do. Learning to believe in yourself & your abilities is a hard job
that never ends.
Although, it does get easier
with time. You need to start pushing yourself. Attempting things that are just outside your ability. I know, you're saying to yourself, "I push
myself," or "I do my best," & yes, that's very important, but you have to believe you can go past your limits.
By putting in the time &
effort you'll succeed. As you succeed, your confidence will grow. The trick to this is, every time you reach what you believe is your limit, remind yourself that you can do more.
Always assume that you can
do more than you already have accomplished. One of the best things about expanding your limits, is that things that used to be impossible, can now be apart of your everyday life!
By building the belief in your ability, you can accomplish anything in life. Try it!
* Our Belief System is one of the major factors that can get us thru situations or can cause our life to crumble around
us!
I do believe that there's a lot of innate goodness & balancing our minds do subconsciously to get us thru hard times. The other portion of this is how we "program" ourselves to deal with any given
situation.
* Really appreciating what we DO have as opposed to what we'd like to have, sometimes makes a signifcant difference.
This is always an important element in healing that's often neglected.
 
Your Beliefs
Matter
by Jeri Noble
source site: click here
I
attended Easter Sunday Services
given by one of my favorite New Thought Ministers, Dr. Bob Henderson. It was a terrific service
(well
worth the 50 mile drive)
& there was one particular concept he shared with us that I found especially inspiring, "What you believe,
matters".
What an affirming idea for a metaphysician! We understand the power of our thoughts & beliefs & that we create our reality with what we attract to us, but do we always know
that our beliefs count in the big scheme of things?
I looked at this & looked at this & found several
angles from which emotional & spiritual relief could be found. Throughout our lives, we have played the "belief war" (a subject for a later article) with those around us.
- "That's what you think!"
- "What do
you know?"
- "That's only
your opinion."
- "Who
cares what you think?"
- "You
can't seriously believe that!"
- "How could you think such a thing?"
The list goes on & on of all the ways that we invalidate each
other's belief
systems. Depending on our
degree of vulnerability at the time, we may lose confidence in the validity of our beliefs or even in our right to hold beliefs that are contrary to the "norm."
Actually, the beliefs don't necessarily stop. We may still hold onto them, but may not believe that they're worth anything, they're not as pretty & shiny & fancy as someone else's.
We're
thus discounting our beliefs
& thereby reducing their power. Remember, the only person who can affect our power is the self & this is a very effective method of so doing.
Consider what this does to our affirmations & visualizations. We may know that we're holding the belief that we want to. We may be able to image it & embody it. But if we think that we're weak & useless in the quality of our beliefs, our efforts are being sabotaged.
Tell yourself, "What I believe, matters". "It has importance & validity". "My thoughts count."
Your beliefs don't have to counter or be stronger than those who have invalidated you. They're naturally stronger
for you because they're your own. The other person, or TV personality or authority figure can't have beliefs which overpower yours, because spiritually, this sort of domination isn't real.
They have power in their own reality, just as you do in yours. You needn't allow their charisma to take
the place of your own. Who you are, what you believe,
matters.
You'll See It When You Believe It
by: Therapist and author, Thayer White MA MFCC, has over 23 years experience
as both therapist and client in the areas of therapy and self-growth
source site: click here
The
statement, "You'll see it when you believe it,"
is contrary to much of what we've learned in this materialistic society. Materialism isn't just the gathering of goods to
me but also includes the belief that
if I can't sense it with one or more of my 5 senses, then it's suspect.
The
idea that one might choose to believe something
before actually sensing it's considered daft. Nevertheless, such a so-called daft idea can lead to much increased happiness & the possibility of manifesting the impossible. Impossible cures, improbable events,
unexpected windfalls & happy surprises await those who believe (or
pretend or imagine) first.
For more detailed information I recommend an important book by Wayne Dyer & titled the same as the above subheading, You'll See It When You Believe
It.
Is it the belief in abundance that triggers the windfall?
Is it the belief in a cure for an incurable disease that triggers
the healing?
Is it the belief in oneself that triggers a creative leap?
Is it the pretend
- belief in thinness that triggers the reduction in weight
for an overweight person?
One common pattern seems to be that my unconscious
often follows my conscious wishes & my conscious visualizations, thus producing so-called impossible cures & unexpected
windfalls. Unfortunately for my conscious ego, my lifeplan may interfere with manifesting some of my conscious wishes.
i.e., if I'm learning the lessons of relationship this
lifetime, then a conscious wish on my part for years of isolation will not likely occur.
My judgments as to the possibility or impossibility of a future event can be as tyrannical as my other
right / wrong & good / bad judgments discussed earlier in this chapter. If I judge that event to be impossible, then it likely will be impossible
for me.
Yet if I judged it as possible, it might be. If you believe that you can cure your incurable cancer (there are people who've gone before you who have done so), then it may be possible. Dr. Carl Simonton has discovered important truths about self healing by cancer patients by the self use of imagery. This healing
has confounded conventional medical wisdom.
Could my beliefs in a dangerous & unjust world be causing added violence & injustice in my life?
Do my cynicism & pessimism draw dreadful experiences to me, instead of being the result of such experiences?
"You'll see it when you believe it" may initially seem a bit crazy, but if true, it implies that we'd serve ourselves best by
cultivating our optimism & our hopefulness.
Pollyanna was obviously happy. Could it also be true that she was much more intelligent & wise than her detractors?
Spiritual Beliefs
Every religion attempts to answer these basic questions:
* Where did we come
from?
* What's the meaning
of human life?
* Why do people die
& what happens after?
* Why are we here?
* Why is there evil?
* How should people
behave?
* What's right &
what's wrong?
*What should we believe?
A simple & basic
definition of religion is:
Paul Tillich
It's to have something
that the heart trusts completely. Religion doesn't have to necessarily be involved in a shrine, church, synagogue or temple, nor a complexed doctrine or clergy.
It can be anything
to which people devote themselves that fills their lives with meaning.
Spiritual Growth: Drop All Conclusions About God Almighty
By SADHGURU JAGGI VASUDEV
source site: click here
Drop All Conclusions
About God Almighty
It takes enormous courage for a person to look beyond the conditioning of his belief systems & admit that he
knows nothing about even the most basic aspects of his life.
Do you
believe that you have two hands or do you know you have two hands?
Even if you don't
use your eyes to see them, you still know you have two hands. It's experientially clear to you. But when it comes to
God, you've been told to believe:
Nobody told you to explore Divinity.
But without an enquiring mind,
we can't know anything beyond our limited levels of existence; there will be no inner growth.
Believing
can't transform you. But if you experience the Divine, it will leave you absolutely transformed.
For, where experience is absent,
whatever you believe in is of no significance.
What if I kept telling you
from the day you were born, that this finger is God?
Divine emotions will spring within you. Similarly, if I taught you that
this finger is the demon, terror will arise within you. This is the nature
of mind.
The mind is fluid, you can make anything out of it. How it's shaped simply depends on how it's influenced.
If you look deeply, what you
call your mind is really something you have borrowed from thousands of people around you. You have accumulated this
mind in bits & pieces. Your mind is just your background - depending on the kind of family you come from, your education & religion, the country or society you belong to &
the world you're living in.
The mind is necessary to survive in this world, but it will not take you to the Truth. This can only be done by knowing experientially, not intellectually.
Whatever you know intellectually
isn't knowing, it's just a distortion. The intellect is just a survival tool, a limited aspect of your life. Modern man knows that survival isn't enough, it's not fulfilling.
So if you want to
go into deeper dimensions of life , first you need the necessary instruments.
Right now you experience life
with just sense organs - by seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling. With this you can't know anything beyond the physical.
If you want to measure the
depth of the ocean, you can't go with a foot scale. That's what's happening with people when it comes to God, to Divinity, to Truth. People are approaching the greatest questions of life
without the necessary instruments. So they jump to wrong conclusions.
People
are eager to jump to conclusions. On examination, we find that what we call as our self, what we perceive as our personality, is nothing but a bundle
of conclusions about life. So a spiritual process doesn't mean jumping to another set of conclusions.
Only when you dare to exist
here without conclusions, to be just a small particle of existence, then you have the possibility to know the limitlessness of creation...
Once there was a philosopher fish. As he was sitting in great misery & worry, another fish passed his way, stopped & said, "Philosopher why are you in such misery?"
The philosopher fish said, "Wherever I go every body
is talking about the ocean. I want to find this ocean. I went east, west, north, south & I can't find this ocean."
See, for the philosopher fish,
belief in the ocean isn't enough - he wants to experience it for himself. Now the problem is, he is also part of the ocean.
He is unable to perceive the ocean because he has no adequate tool of perception. This is also true of you & God.
As long as a given belief system isn't
imposed on others, but freely accepted by them & people with that belief system are allowed to practice & promote it, without harming the freedom of others & people outside the belief system are allowed to freely criticize it so that all can judge the merits of the system for themselves, then we have a healthy society.
Paradox & Belief
This
imbalance should always be addressed. Even the ancients knew that the pathway to happiness was for one to know thyself - the true self. It's a daily struggle. One person's idea of morality may seem like a paradox to another person.
Paradoxes are important to consider for the same reason that many laws fail: It's dangerous to put a rule into play without considering the possibility of an exception to
the rule.
One
person may be completely against any death brought by a human, whether it's murder, capital punishment or assisted suicide
- until the day when an incident forces him to reevaluate that belief.
While not arguing that any of those particular issues is either right or wrong, I'd strongly urge you to consider
the paradoxes facing us simply because we're human before you demand that everyone believe
as you do.
Consider
that you can't know the entire life of another person that brought them to a belief different
than your own. And consider that while some concepts are universal (people should be honest; people shouldn't murder; etc), many others aren't.
This can be traumatic or it can be less so. The single most important point you can make about change is that in most cases it's not what faces you that's the problem, it's how you react to it.
How you react is determined by how you perceive a particular change.
The Chinese word for crisis
is "weiji." Two characters that separately mean danger &
opportunity. Every problem we encounter in life can be viewed that way. It's a chance to show that
we can handle it.
The loss of a spouse or
child, the loss of a relationship, the move to a different career, by choice or not, the move to a new home or simply the
change in the weather & how we feel.
Often, in any situation,
we must take the quiet time to be with ourselves to observe this change.
How
is it going to effect me? Better yet, how am I going to let it effect me? What am
I going to do to get thru this? Allow the answers to come to you in your quiet time. Take everything
one day at a time.
Sometimes situations can
become overwhelming when looking at the big picture. Again, take your quiet time to observe the moment. Allow yourself to take all the time, take the space that you need to grasp the change.
Breath.
Support. We're always put at ease when we have support behind us. In these vulnerable moments, we can find strength in others. If you have a good friend, a family member, a loved one or a community group that you can
turn to, do so.
Love yourself. You're the true source to your own happiness. You have to live within yourself. You have to be at peace within yourself. Only you can do that. Only you can make that
happen. We each have our own way of being with ourselves, but there's only one way to be at ease with your soul. That
is to love yourself, always.
Our Belief
System is one of the major factors that
can get us thru situations or can cause our life to crumble around us! I do believe that
there's a lot of innate goodness & balancing our minds do subconsciously to get us thru hard times. The other portion of this is how we "program" ourselves to deal with any given
situation.
You
Get What You Believe In
by: Therapist and author, Thayer White MA MFCC, has over 23 years experience
as both therapist and client in the areas of therapy and self-growth
source site: click here
Can
this be true? I get what I believe in?
I know your immediate response may be, "No, that's not true".
However, I ask you to hang in there w/the possibility of that statement being the truth.
For freedom lurks just over the horizon. If I can get over my beliefs in my own sickliness, obesity & being persecuted, then
these will, according to this theory, no longer be drawn into my life.
"But the fat, sickness & persecution are all around!
Open your eyes!"; I hear you respond. I suggest that you hold that unhappy response at arm's length & practice instead the happier beliefs for a time as in
the next exercise.
Growth Exercise. Visualize (or pretend) several times a day for
the next 2 weeks:
(1) being at your appropriate weight
(2) health & vitality (3) love from & towards all your persecutors. (Pick only those visualizations appropriate to your difficulties.)
Two
Happier Belief Systems
by: Therapist and author, Thayer White MA MFCC, has over 23 years experience as both therapist and client
in the areas of therapy and self-growth
source site: click here
There are 2 happier spiritual belief systems available that have neither the trappings of organized Western religions nor the "foreign" flavor of the East.
They're not organized religions, groups or cults. They're channeled systems of beliefs couched in language with which
you & I are likely to be comfortable.
The first is the Michael teaching as described in Messages from Michael
by Chelsea Yarbro.
The second is the Seth teaching as described in Seth Speaks & The Nature of Personal Reality,
both by Jane Roberts. (These authors' early books listed above had best be read first because
their later books can be confusing if attempted first.)
Either of these 2 systems has the potential for transforming unhappy areas of your life into contented areas.
I sometimes lend a copy of the Michael book to people suggesting they read only as much as necessary
to figure out if they want to spend the money to buy their own copy.
I sometimes jokingly refer to the Michael book as "Spirituality for the Masses" to give people an idea of how down-to-earth the book really is. It isn't esoteric.
While some object to its belief system, calling it rigid or simplistic, many more come to see its value & to realize that its categories are tendencies, not rigid prescriptions. Any of the above 3 listed books can explain
worlds to someone who is open to such explanation.
You may rest assured that no one will be at your door Saturday morning proselytizing about them!
Too simplistically - the Michael system explains tendencies we have, whereas the Seth system explains how our reality is created
by each of us.
For many of you readers, one of the most important growth exercises you could do would be to find & read one or more of the above 3 books.
What do you have to lose,
other than much of your unhappiness? If these books sound at all interesting, take some action.
what happens when we lose our belief system?
Destruction of the
Belief System
Rape is a crime unique in
the level of the destruction it causes to the self. The aftermath of rape is the destruction of the belief systems that are the very foundation of how we exist in our daily lives.
When we experience the destruction
of one belief system there's a domino effect that follows in the collapse or impairment
of most or all of our belief
systems.
Rape always changes our belief in the world as a safe place, in our ability to accurately judge who the good people are, where the safe places are & our ability to discern situations
or to protect ourselves.
It destroys our sense of trust in ourselves & in the world. No further healthy
negotiation of many of life's interpersonal complexities is possible without that trust.
The aftermath
becomes at worst a challenge of our very mental health & at best a challenge to our ability to have healthy intimate relationships.
There's no such thing as rape without
serious, long term consequences to the emotional life of the survivor.
We frequently
are reticent to call what has happened to us "rape". If it's rape, we must accept the complete loss of control & that's an unbearable reality to all human beings.
If we have no control then how can we exist? The fear would be too great. But deceiving ourselves brings us no strength because there's no escape from the truth.
Our minds might
be able to convince us that our experience wasn't rape, but our souls will always be the bearer of that truth. We'll become conflicted people, incapable of understanding why things turn out the way they do in our lives over & over again, incapable of learning from our patterns.
When rape occurs
during our formative years (pre 26), it interrupts the very foundation that is meant to carry us
thru our lives. We become stuck in aberrant coping mechanisms that we carry for the rest of our lives.
Is the damage
reversible? OF COURSE, but it takes a skilled & methodical process that's not always easy to find.
And we are sometimes
our own worst enemies because the shame we feel, the
misplaced blame we attribute to ourselves, keeps us wanting to pretend that if we just forget the event & get on with our lives we can make it all go away.
Unfortunately,
few of us can do that. We need the help of those trained to help us rebuild our belief systems; help us
clarify our misconceptions about our self-blame; help us reform healthy life skills & help us find the strength & power that's within each of us to rebuild our lives in healthy & productive ways.
According to the
American Psychiatric Association, over 90% of those women seeking psychiatric help have been the victims of traumatic abuse in their past.
In the aftermath
of a sexual assault, we will all develop some sort of coping mechanism to get us thru.
While these mechanisms
do their job in the short run, they can lead us into harms way if we're not taught that they're only meant to get us thru,
not to become a lifestyle or a pattern.
The emotional isolation we sometimes experience after an assault might be necessary to give us time to sort some things out, but as a
long term mechanism it only causes us more pain.
But how do we
learn to trust again when our basis for that belief system has been destroyed?
Being fearless of our truths is a first step, but it's a painful one. The same holds true for wanting to believe
that we can "just get over it". Without a careful restructuring, we can't "just get over it". We can relive it in a variety of ways. We can continue to find ourselves
in situations in which we feel powerless.
We can self-correct in maladaptive ways like always,
making sure we're in control even when it's not appropriate.
We can have our
whole life changed due to something for which we have responsibility . No matter what we've done the consequence for our actions is NEVER to be raped. No matter what.
We can take the control back. We can spend time to undo the damage & get on with our lives, leaving the rape behind as an experience:
something that happened TO us, that is not OF us.
True control is taking the steps to regain ourselves
& all of our power & to lead a life in which we're cognitive of responses that belong to our rape.
True control is learning to respond from
ourselves, not from the experience.
7 Tips to Help Kids Stand Up for Their Moral Beliefs
1. Know What You Stand for So Your Teen Knows. Parents with clearly identified moral convictions are more likely to raise good kids. Because their kids know what their parents stand for & why they do, their kids are
more likely to adopt their parents' beliefs.
So begin by asking yourself what virtues & moral beliefs
matter most to you. Make a list, then narrow them to your top 3. These will become your personal moral code & guide you
in how you'll raise your child.
Its also the best way to help your child develop his own moral beliefs.
Here are 5 quick questions to gauge how well you're parenting solid moral beliefs in your teen:
You can quickly name the 3-5 virtues you want most for your child to acquire.
___Your child could name the virtues you believe in most without prompting.
___You reinforce your child whenever he shows your selected virtues in his behavior.
___Your child can clearly see your chosen virtues in your daily
behavior.
___ You use those virtues as your day to
day code of ethical behavior & family living.
Walk Your Talk. One great question to yourself ask each day is:
If I were the only example my child had to learn moral habits, what did she learn today from watching me?
The answer can be quite revealing. By
watching your choices & hearing your casual comments, kids learn our moral standards.
Make sure the moral behaviors your kids
are picking up on are ones that you want your kids to copy.
How many of these messages apply to you?
Do you:
__Eat a sample from a stores candy bin in front of your child without paying?
__Buy a ticket for a child under 12 even though your child is older?
__Drive
faster than the speed limit with your child as a passenger?
__Tell
your teen to say you're not there when your boss calls?
__Do
the majority of your kids work on a school project, but have him sign his name?
Share Your Moral Beliefs
& Take Stands.
Speaking frequently to
your child about values & is called direct moral teaching. Parents who raise ethical kids do it a lot. So look for moral issues & talk about
them as they come up:
- From TV shows & news events to situations at home, school, & friends
- Tell your kids how you feel about the issue & why.
- Share examples of morally courageous heroes such as Rosa Parks, Pee Wee Reece, Harriet Tubman, Abe Lincoln.
There's wonderful books & videos in your local library that you can share with your child.
Most important: Stand up for your beliefs whenever you feel a major value is jeopardized. Your
teen needs to see & hear about moral courage so he has an example to copy.
Ask Moral Questions to Stretch Moral Development.
Questioning is an important parenting tool for enhancing childrens' consciences & strengthening moral beliefs. The right kind
of questions can help kids expand their ability to take another perspective & ask themselves:
"Is this the right thing
to do?"
Both are critical precursors to taking any moral stand.
Here are a few questions parents can ask that stretch your kids moral thinking:
"How would you feel if
someone treated you that way?"
"If you don't follow thru on your word,
what do you think would happen?"
If everybody acted that way (i.e. cheated, shoplifted) what would happen?
Boost Empathy. Kids who stick up for others are kids who feel for others. Empathy is what motivates that feeling, halts cruel behavior & urges kids to take a stand. Here are 2 powerful ways to nurture empathy:
Ask:"How would you feel?"
Ask kids to ponder how another person feels using situations
in books, TV, & movies as well as real life. It forces them to think about other peoples' concerns.
Use role playing. It helps kids imagine others feelings so ask your child to think how the other person would feel if roles were reversed.
"Switch sides: what would the other person say & do?"
Reinforce Assertiveness Not Compliance. If you want to raise a kid who can stand up for his beliefs, then
reinforce assertiveness - not compliance.
Encourage him to share his opinions & stand up for what's right. And do so from early age so he can weather the storm of negative peer influence. Parents who raise morally courageous teens expect their kids to act morally - even demand that they do.
Teach Assertive Skills. The
truth is that it takes real moral strength to go against peer pressure & to stick up for your beliefs. So teach your teen assertiveness skills so he can take the right kind of stand whenever hes confronted with a moral dilemma.
Here are 3 ways to boost moral courage:
Teach assertive posture. Teach your child to stand up for his beliefs by using confident, assertive posture: stand
tall with feet slightly apart, head held high & look the person straight in the eye.
Say no firmly.
Stress that he must say his beliefs using a friendly, but determined voice. Then
don't give in. His job isn't to try changing the other persons mind, but to follow his beliefs.
Tell reasons why. Tell him to give the person the reason for his stand. It helps strengthen
his conviction: Stop bullying him: its cruel.
Or: No, it's illegal & wrong. Repeating the belief several times boosts assertiveness & helps your child not back down from his stand.
Keep in mind that your teen's moral growth is an
ongoing process that'll span the course of her lifetime. The moral knowledge, beliefs &
habits you instill in her now will become the foundation she'll use forever. So savor this time with your teen & use it wisely, for although she has the potential to achieve moral goodness, it's far from guaranteed.
It must be nurtured, influenced, modeled &
taught. Doing so will be your greatest legacy for your child & the best hope that she can rise to the occasion & demonstrate moral courage whenever it
may be needed.
Courage is about feeling things you're afraid to feel, thinking about things you're afraid to think about & doing things you're afraid to do. It is seeing what's needed & taking care of it, in spite of the fears that come up along the way.
Questioning Your Beliefs
by Steve Pavlina
In this post I’ll share
some of my personal experiences shifting thru different belief systems.
At the age of 17, I first
began to seriously question my beliefs about reality. In my case it had a lot to do with
the religion & culture in which I was raised.
I was Catholic at the time,
about to begin my senior year in high school. My consciousness had finally reached the point where I was able to start asking
some questions in search of what I felt was the truth.
It began with sort of a nagging feeling that what I was being taught simply wasn’t true for me. It began to feel wrong. By “wrong” I mean that
it didn’t feel quite real to me anymore.
The people around me seemed
convinced of the veracity of this belief system, yet my education also taught me that most
people in the world weren’t Catholic. As a teenager I found this puzzling.
I considered that most of
the people on earth must have beliefs that were very different from mine. Yet they still
grew up & lived their lives just the same. My belief system didn’t seem to have
a good way of addressing the existence of those billions of non-Catholics, at least not one that made sense to me.
Were they simply ignorant? Evil? Mistaken? Doomed to go to hell? Ripe for conversion? In need of help? I started to wonder what it would be like to live as a non-Catholic.
I went around asking people
these kinds of questions & many others. As you can probably imagine, most people didn’t take me seriously. I got
the most open-minded responses from certain Jesuit teachers of mine.
Ok, so one of those teachers
later turned out to be a child molester (seriously, although I saw no evidence of it at the time)….
But for the most part, I got stonewalled & didn’t find any answers that seemed true for me.
As a side note, I’m glad I live in the place &
time I do, since in other times or cultures, I’d have been stoned instead of stonewalled (just like the saint after
which I was named).
From this point onward in
my life, I became intensely curious about belief systems, mainly because I felt the one I was in didn’t seem to mesh
too well with my actual experience of reality. I learned that there were a number of other contexts in which people lived.
How did I know that mine was
actually the best one for me? It just happened to be the one in which I was born. I found that other people who had different
contexts weren’t automatically evil, deranged, or mistaken.
I met another boy my age who
said he was an atheist. I thought that was rather interesting. His beliefs about the nature of reality were very different
from mine, but rather than the evil outcast I’d expected to find, he seemed decent & intelligent to me - a rare enough quality to find in teenagers. 
As a Catholic I was taught
by one of my teachers to look upon non-Catholics (especially atheists) with a feeling of pity & to say to myself, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
But after getting to know
some non-Catholics & noticing that they seemed to enjoy their lives without fear of being smitten, I felt more pity for myself than I did for them. So it was only a matter of months before I dumped the whole baggage of my childhood belief system & became an atheist.
As you can imagine, that wasn’t
an easy situation for me, given that I still had a year left to go in Catholic school. But overall I found a lot of empowerment
in this new context.
For one I had shed a tremendous
amount of fear, so new possibilities became available to me & I felt far more clear-headed. I had my best year ever as a student. I really enjoyed working on my own goals for a change instead of working on God’s.
I even joined American Atheists & read their magazine (at least
when my family didn’t intercept it).
I noticed that in this new
context, I saw everyone in a different light. Within this context it was the highly religious people who were the true wackos.
I also found it hard to relate
to people who assumed I was going to spend eternity in hell simply because of my context switch. I became far more aware of issues involving the separation of Church & State.
I noticed things like the
use of the word “God” in the U.S. Pledge of Allegiance. As an atheist I disliked that very much. Once it was something
I accepted as perfectly fine, but in this context it became something I had to tolerate.
After atheism I drifted into
agnosticism, but the experience of seeing atheism from a Catholic perspective & Catholicism from an atheist perspective
had made me intensely curious. I felt that neither of these represented real truth to me.
They were simply different
perspectives, different ways of viewing reality, but neither could prove itself true. I also noticed that each belief system seemed to control to a certain degree the types of experiences I would attract into my life. Within each context I’d see ample proof
that the context I was in was the correct one. Each context became its own self-fulfilling prophecy.
This made me even more curious, so in my early 20's I consciously embarked on a quest to explore different belief systems.
For the first several years,
I studied many new age beliefs (like connecting with angels & spirit guides & such) & Eastern religions like Hinduism & Buddism.
I was fascinated by just how
different my experience of reality became when I changed my context. I was able to attract some amazing spiritual experiences, many of which spilled over into my physical experience of reality.
I learned that certain seeds
only grow in certain soil.
I even tried Scientology for
a few months to see what that was like. I thought to myself, “Now here’s a context so many people view as completely wacko, but clearly that can’t be how
the people on the inside view it.” I wanted to find out for myself, so I popped into one of their centers & basically
said, “Assimilate me.” And they were more than happy to do so. 
I read Dianetics &
took a couple courses on the basics of Scientology. Other members taught me how to do auditing (both
giving & receiving) & I spent many hours at their center until I felt I had a good grasp of the basics & understood the context from the inside, including how Scientologists viewed non-Scientologists.
That was a fascinating experience.
On the one hand, I definitely found some cult-like patterns there (most of which were shared with
mainstream religions though).
On the other hand, I found
the Scientologists to be some of a nicest people I’d met & the children seemed far beyond their years in terms of
their level of awareness & consciousness.
One thing I didn’t like
about Scientology though was that it was nearly impossible to get off their mailing list - I received weekly mailings from
them for about 5 years after quitting, even after moving several times.
I continued this sampling
pattern for many more years. As you can imagine, this created some instability in the other areas of my life, but I really
enjoyed the process & documented these experiences in my journal (which allows me to review
previous contexts from the perspective of an insider).
One of my strengths is that
I’m a fast learner, so I was able to immerse myself in new
belief systems very quickly.
Although I’ve been writing
about spiritual / religious beliefs so far, my experiments have more to do with understanding the nature of reality. So it’s not just religious belief systems I test.
For example, this month I
decided to dive into the belief system of Feng Shui, simply because it’s one I’ve
never tried before. From the outside looking in, worst case it seemed harmless & best case it seemed like it might be
fun to try.
There are different “schools”
of Feng Shui, but the basic idea is that it you have to adopt a belief in the flow of energy
(called chi) & then you learn how to place objects to optimize that flow. I started
by reading about a dozen Feng Shui articles online & watching an instructional video & then just a few days ago, I
started implementing some ideas.
I cleaned up some of the landscaping
around the house & rearranged the furniture in my home office. Now my desk is facing the door instead of the wall (aka, the “commanding position”), so supposedly I need no longer fear being stabbed in the back while I write blog entries. That’s right - I can see you coming now!
One of many Feng Shui ideas
I implemented over the weekend was to put together a little wealth shrine with a fountain & some plants. The same day
I put it together, I received an unexpected check for $75 (a tax rebate from the State of Nevada
due to its $300 million surplus).
Then 2 days later I found
$40 cash I didn’t even know I had, cash that had been hiding for about a year in a place I just happened to clean out.
Then today I received a contract worth $1000 (that one I was expecting though) & my wife just told me a few hours ago that her book printing (she’s
self-publishing her second book) will cost a few hundred dollars less than she expected.
So far I’m quite liking
this belief system.
After experiencing so many
different beliefs, I started thinking about how to design my own personal belief system.
Many of the beliefs I experienced were in conflict, so I couldn’t keep them all, but many were congruent & could be combined in interesting ways. I found that every
context had a unique perspective, but I also saw ways that perspective could be enhanced by pulling in elements from other
contexts.
Most of all, I wanted to put
together something that felt truthful & empowering for me.
I asked myself, “Given
the elements found in all these different belief systems, what’s the richest soil
I could create?”
If the soil is very rich,
to me this means you can grow a variety of crops & they’ll grow very well. In other words if the background context
is empowering enough, it'll give rise to some of the best goals you could possibly set & your context will also help you achieve those goals.
All the contexts I experienced
have their strengths & weaknesses. One of the major strengths involved empowering beliefs
- no matter what context I tried, there were always some beliefs that empowered me.
But each one also had disempowering
beliefs. Often the disempowering part was how the belief system
viewed outsiders & the “divinely inspired” stories it told of why it was the one true context.
As an example I found the
belief in some kind of universal force or God to be empowering. I’ve switched between living with this belief & living without
it a few times (for years at a time) & I like having this belief in general.
I find that some sort of belief in God serves as potent soil. This type of God isn’t a wise man or father figure. In Catholicism it would be similar to the Holy Spirit. It’s more of a presence that can be tapped
into, almost like a background radiation of pure consciousness.
I found virtually all types
of dogmatic beliefs or beliefs that suggest whether some
particular group of human beings is right or wrong to be disempowering.
I found the belief in heaven / hell disempowering. I found the belief in any kind of caste
system disempowering. So I don’t choose to hold such beliefs.
I found nuggets of what I
felt to be truth in every context I experienced, but I also found a lot of what I felt to be nonsense. So my long-term
goal was to strip away the nonsense & to smoosh together all the nuggets & to make that my personal context for living.
And of course this is a context that continues to evolve.
Although there were certainly
some bumps along the way, I’ve been very pleased with the development & evolution of my own personal context. It
has been a wonderful journey to consciously create my own context instead of blindly accepting what I’ve been taught.
It would probably take the
length of a book to fully explain my personal context today, but I’ll be sharing various elements of it with you in
the days ahead & explaining how & why I opted to integrate them into my own context.
The way I define it, we always
have a context. Having no beliefs at all is still a belief system.
So if you’re thinking you don’t want to have a context at all, then from my perspective I would simply say that you’ve just named a
belief that is part of your context right there. If you have a belief
or disbelief in anything, you’ve got a context. A belief in a purely objective reality
that is separate from yourself is still a context. It’s still a choice.
False Beliefs
By Peter Shepherd - source site: click here
When our minds immediately come up with negative or irrational thoughts in response to situations, and we then respond emotionally (often inappropriately and
self-defeatingly were we to look objectively at the situation), these thoughts are based on deeper-lying beliefs or assumptions about ourselves, others, and situations.
While growing up we learned these beliefs
from our parents, teachers and peers, as well as from other authority figures, and we may have absorbed such beliefs from the conditioning of the media - TV and films, song lyrics, and so on.
You may have been told "Big boys don't cry," "Nice girls don't get angry," or learned "It's risky to trust people," "It's very hard to be alone"... the possible list is endless.
You may have developed an attitude about yourself as a result of being frequently criticized (thus "I'm worthless"), ignored (thus "My needs don't matter"), or rejected (thus "I'm not worthy of being loved.") You may then "live out" these false beliefs to the point where
you act in ways that confirm them, and then others treat you accordingly. Like computers, individuals become "programmed"
and the false beliefs we hold become self-fulfilling prophecies.
The most powerful false beliefs are those we adopted as a result of some painful experience. Even if true
for then, such beliefs become false in the present as our situation is different now and
we have the power of choice we may not have felt we had then. If we expose and re-evaluate such beliefs then
the power that past traumatic experiences hold over us will immediately dissipate.
Our core beliefs are typically
so basic to our thinking that we do not recognize them as beliefs at all, we just take them for granted and assume them to reflect reality.
They are our map of the world. We actually absorb such beliefs into our identity.
Based on false beliefs we may make
ourselves anxious by anticipating the worst, we may put ourselves down, and try to meet unreasonable expectations.
For example, if you assume "I must worry about a problem before
there's any chance of it being resolved" then you'll worry much more than another person who doesn't hold that assumption.
If you believe "I'm nothing unless I succeed and others approve of me" then you will feel less confident and secure.
Or if you believe "I must do things
perfectly or there's no point in trying" then you'll get less done and be more stressed along the way.
The psychologist Nathaniel Branden developed a technique called
Sentence Completion, to help his clients uncover and communicate their true feelings, which previously were suppressed. This denial of feelings and true wishes or desires occurs because of fear that acting on them or communicating them will bring scorn or ridicule - in short, will upset the apple cart. But to continue suppressing what one truly wants
is to die inside, to lose integrity.
Practical
Try completing the following sentences, with
as much honesty and frankness as you can muster. Get it all out, then in each case look for the underlying belief
that drives that feeling.
I am a person who ...
One of the things I'd like people to know about me is ...
One of the things I don't want people to know about me is ...
One of the things I have to do to survive is ...
All my life, I ...
It isn't easy for me to admit ...
Sometimes I feel frustrated when ...
If I didn't care what people thought, I would ...
Ever since I was a child, I ...
If I knew I could not fail I would attempt to...
If I were to communicate all this to my (partner / friend / family / colleague) then ...
Just recognizing your own particular false beliefs is the first and most important step toward letting go of them, to de-programming yourself. Next you need to re-evaluate your deeply-held belief and see if you'd like to revise it - you can use
these questions:
- What is the evidence for this?
- Does this belief always
hold true for me or just sometimes?
- Does this belief look at
the whole picture, taking into account all of my life experience?
- Does this belief promote
my well-being?
- Did I choose this belief
on my own or did I adopt it because of another's influence?
- Was it a particular experience that lead me to adopt this
belief?
- What new belief can I adopt
to better serve me?
Beliefs - The Hidden Force that Creates Your Reality
By Roger Ellerton - source site:click here
Beliefs are views, guiding
principles, judgments and decisions about ourselves, people close to us, our community and how the world functions. Your beliefs filter what you see, hear
and feel in the world around you and as a result determine the meaning you associate with an event.
Beliefs act as self-fulfilling
prophecies. Your beliefs, whether they are limiting or empowering, determine your actions, which in turn verify your beliefs to be true. Over
time, as you generate more evidence, your beliefs become increasingly entrenched and more
real.
Beliefs operate at the deep
structure level and influence the surface structure of our thoughts and behaviors. While we are aware of many of our beliefs, in general, our most influential beliefs
operate outside of our conscious awareness.
There are some beliefs that we view as absolute truths and never question - that is just the way the world is! A change in our beliefs can have a major impact on how we live our lives and the behaviors we manifest.
Once we believe
in something, we tend to ignore counter-examples and accept only those events that reinforce that belief.
If you believe
you can or believe you can't, you're right."
Henry Ford
Beliefs can have a significant
effect on your life, particularly your health. In their book NLP and Health, (Thorsons, 1996),
Ian McDermott and Joseph O Connor illustrate this very well with numerous references to medical cases. For example, in a typical
clinical situation, about 35% of all cases receive as much pain relief from a placebo as from morphine - simply because the
recipients believe it will work.
Do your beliefs
limit you?
At one time, most people believed the world was flat, and there may still be some today who believe
this. To verify this belief, just look at the ground below you - it's flat. In the distance
you may see a few hills and valleys, but these are just ripples on an otherwise flat surface. All of the land is bounded by
water and it is well known that if you sail far enough, you will fall off the edge of the world. This is certainly verified
by those sailors who set sail and never return. For those who do return, they just didn't sail far enough.
In its time, this flat-world belief was very useful in explaining and predicting phenomena in a very localized area and most importantly,
it kept people comfortable and safe. However, by encouraging people not to venture too far, it was also very limiting. In the preceding paragraph, notice how the belief can be used to explain certain occurrences
and in so doing prove its own validity.
For society to advance, it
was necessary for brave souls such as Christopher Columbus to challenge this belief and put his life, as he knew it, at risk. Thanks to Columbus, we were able to let go of the limiting belief of a flat world and explore other possibilities that eventually led us to entertain new and more expansive
scientific theories (beliefs) of planets and galaxies, which future generations
may view as equally limiting as the flat-world belief.
Do you have flat-world
beliefs that keep you comfortable and safe and that prevent you from exploring your true potential?
Do you choose to acknowledge
only those events that are predicted by your limiting beliefs and then use these observations as proof that your limiting beliefs are indeed true?
Is it time to step out of
your comfort zone and set sail into the unknown? To push the boundaries of what you think you know and discover new lands and opportunities - a new reality?
Where do our beliefs
come from?
Most of our beliefs originate from
the time we were children. They are not based on fact, but on our perception of events at the time they were formed. We modeled
people who played a significant role in our lives - parents, teachers, religious leaders, older siblings.
We made generalizations
based on single traumatic experiences or through trial and error, accepting those beliefs
that brought us pleasure, avoided pain or provided safety. We accepted what we were told about ourselves "you are stupid and
incompetent" or "you can achieve whatever you choose."
Many of our limiting beliefs are based on misinterpretations of past events. As children we did not have
all of the resources we have today or an awareness of all the facts. Instead, we took things personally and accepted responsibility for our parent's actions and often vowed,
"Never do that again!"
To illustrate how easy it is
to establish a core belief, consider how elephants are trained. You often see elephants
restrained by only a light rope and stake. Why is it that these massive animals don't just walk away, since they could easily
break the rope or pull out the stake? Simply, they have been conditioned to accept that they cannot. If they had the ability
to reason, we would simply say they believe they cannot!
When elephants are young,
they are tied up with a very heavy rope and stake that they are unable to budge or break. After many futile attempts, they
accept that no matter what they do, they cannot break free. Although not real, this limitation restricts their mobility, even in the face of danger.
Just as the elephants have done,
what boundaries did you accept when you were a child that now limit how you live your life - and therefore your dreams and aspirations?
Changing beliefs
The first step to changing a belief is to become consciously aware of the belief and its impact on your life. Beliefs can
be changed in a number of ways:
- We change or modify beliefs all the time as we receive and assess new information. At one time, you
may have believed in Santa Claus - a very powerful belief
that had a major impact on your behaviors around Christmas time. People may even have taken advantage of your belief to encourage you to behave in certain ways or "Santa won't come."
Assuming you are not still
holding steadfastly to this belief, how did you change it? I would imagine that you gathered information from your friends and parents and gradually questioned the belief until you realized that you could let it go and still get the positive benefits (gifts) and avoid the negative ones - the teasing of your friends.
You can also install a new
belief by simply choosing it, consciously following it, and noticing its positive effects until it becomes a way of life. At first, you may find it difficult to achieve the results you want. However, if
you stick with it, you will find that it becomes easier and your performance improves.
- NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) techniques are also very effective in changing beliefs. Much more about this on my site and the book...
About the author: Roger Ellerton is a certified NLP trainer,
certified management consultant and the founder and managing partner of Renewal Technologies Inc. This article is an extract from his book 'Live Your Dreams
- Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You'.
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very important additional resources....
Why Do I Believe That?
by Kathleen Howe
Six years into my personal growth recovery journey, I've traveled back into time to re-evaluate these pages
- the pages I worked on about three years ago. While I've visited these pages from time to time to change the underlined link
words when needed - I never took the time to really delve into the content here. I've been too busy building NEW websites
to cover more information that I feel is vital!
So, here I am and the re-evaluation of these pages causes me to smile on one hand and wince as well. I wince
because I was truly naive to so many things and my belief system was so "out there" through the haze of dysfunctional
relationships I'd gained some strange and dangerous beliefs as well as some downright bizarre thought patterns. I didn't know
better. I was just existing on the planet earth doing little more than breathing and being abused.
Although I was an individual who was a daughter, a grand daughter, a niece and a wife (to several husbands)
and a mother to five children - I had no personal identity. My teen years were a gross time capsule of alcoholism, self medicating
with food, sex and drugs when I wasn't drinking, illnesses and no sense of self, self esteem or being cared for or loved.
It was horrible to say the least and still, some of my most embossed beliefs and thought patterns had been born in that time
period.
Then there were the beliefs born in my earlier childhood that were laced with so many restrictions including
lack of emotions, feelings and nurturing that I was a numb, false image of what my parents wanted me to be and that's about
all. The front I was able to carry forth kept everyone happy but lost my true self in the process. My belief systems were
based on such confusion, abusive relationships and total dysfunction that it's amazing I escaped without an attempt at childhood
suicide.
Seems extreme, histrionic and melodramatic? Not even close.
My very first inklings of "something' isn't right
here" came out of the mouth of a counselor at the YWCA in Grand Rapids, Michigan in 1994. I had been escaping from an abusive
spouse - running from domestic violence shelter to shelter throughout that state and I was pregnant.
I was taking Percocet liberally because my doctors thought I had a physical illnesses instead of mental illness. I was in
physical pain and mental pain with no relief in sight. The counselor said to me, "What made
you believe that you don't deserve to be loved?"
I was actually held speechless and was dumbfounded. I didn't
know what to say. As the true meaning of what she had asked me began to sink through my 20 foot defense walls to become an
actual question in my mind - the meaning caused me to slow down, stop and truly think. I wasn't running from an abusive husband at that moment. I wasn't full of fear at that very moment. I wasn't in physical
pain at that very moment. I was feeling very inept at forming an opinion concerning the subject of my right to be loved. Did I deserve anything? Did I think that I didn't deserve to be loved? Is that how I was thinking? What did I believe about being loved? I just didn't know.
I didn't know what to think about myself. I was a shell of a human being. What used to be inside had been driven out by years of abuse at the hands of
men. There had been some abusive females in my life, in fact at that very moment it was an ex-best friend / ex-husband tag
team who were taking my son away from me. She had threatened me, "I've stolen your husband and I'll steal your son the same
way!" I had been victimized through ignorance, unrecognized mental illness and abusive relationships that I had invited into
my life unknowingly.
I didn't know that there were "choices - actual decisions" that needed to be made in our life. I didn't
have any life skills or relationship skills. I had zero communication skills. I was attractive and smiley. I had some interesting
stories that I told over and over again that drew people in. The people that flocked around me liked my stories and had no
idea who I was. They wanted to be surrounded by interesting people and I was well spoken and interesting. But truly, I was
empty inside. I didn't even know who I was. I had stopped forming an identity in my childhood years and had never gone
back to continue on.
What I believed to be true were faint memories of my past
that might have been pleasurable to me. I'm not sure. While I remembered many family functions and relationships - I didn't
know the truth from a hole in the ground. I just remembered childhood's fleeting memories of "experiences" that came and went.
I was still numb, not knowing what to think or feel about things that had happened to me in my childhood and teenage years.
How could I survive as an adult? How could I be a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a grand daughter, a friend,
a lover or "me"?
When I had scrounged up enough energy to look up at the counselor in that darkened corner of the YWCA; I
didn't know what to say to her. I just shook my head and couldn't speak. When I did speak, I said, "I don't know." I just
didn't know anything. I was war torn, fragile, unable to be present, hurt, mangled and raw. No one could do anything else
to me that would hurt me. I had given up my ghost. My soul had risen and deserted by body and I was the living dead walking
upon the earth. "How many of us are there out there?" I wondered for the briefest of moments.
The only thing I did know was that I believed in God. This,
was an amazing task after being abused by a fundamental preacher in a small neighborhood cult-like congregation that had raped
me as well as betrayed me over and over. How could I separate God from that two year experience? I'm not sure, but I was sure
I believed in God.
I knew that someone had to be watching over me. It had to
be God.
My journey has been interesting. Six years ago I took control back of my life. I made my first
choice that I "actually realized was a choice" and it was a good one. It was
a healthy positive choice that I'm very proud of. I've gone backwards, sideways and forward since then. I've made mistakes
and realizations that I've considered worth their weight in gold. My life has changed 100% in some ways and I still struggle
desperately at times. Things are very difficult to change and some things are more kind to me. Nothing is easy or simple;
except my love of God.
What I believe today is a belief in my life because I have researched it, experienced it or
believe it because God said it. I don't hold myself in the depths of stupidity for what I did in the past or believed
in the past. The past is over with. I can only be responsible for what I do now and I"m accountable for every choice I make.
I know why I make the mistakes I do most of the time - at least I can acknowledge that where in my past - I didn't
know I was making any mistakes. I just let my lungs fill with air and my heart beat. I just was. I was a human skeleton
that functioned to the best of it's ability.
Now I can tell you that whatever it is that you believed in your past - you must examine.
It's painful. Don't second guess yourself. Prove the belief and re-prove it. Ask yourself why you believe what you
do and argue or debate it over and over with yourself until you know you believe it and the reason you do. Don't ever say,
"I don't know why I believe that." Say instead, "I am not sure what I believe about that." If you aren't sure - you don't
believe it of your own volition.
Don't ever let anyone tell you what to believe. Not your parents, your spouse or your best
friend. The only entity that reserves the right to tell you what to do and believe is God. It's just so. Don't believe
me because I'm telling you what I did, find out for yourself. Get with the program. Wake up and smell the coffee. Then study
the word, "commitment" before you make a commitment to yourself to learn about yourself and everything you believe and
find out how you think. You are deserving of it. You need to learn to know yourself, love yourself and it's crucial that
you stop just existing.
It's way too fun being who you truly are. Believe me!
The
Conviction Of Your Beliefs
by Linda-Ann
Stewart
Recently, I've been searching for a better word than "belief"
to describe the confidence that something will manifest. We know that we tend to attract experiences according to our
deeply held beliefs. The ideas that
we formed as children & young adults reveal themselves in our lives as the conditions we live with.
In metaphysics & human
potential training, we're told to "change your beliefs & change your life." And this does occur. Once we let go of outdated attitudes, life does change. When we're taught to believe something new about ourselves & the
Universe, the outer situations transform.
But confusion & disappointment arises when a person sincerely believes that there's going to be an improvement &
it doesn't occur. I've known people to say, "I believe that I'm going to get this job" &
are despondent when they don't.
They then question if believing in improving their life really works. When I talk to them, I find that
they didn't have the deep, solid confidence that something good was going to happen. There was still some underlying fear, anxiety or doubt about the situation.
And then there are people who make assumptions
that they'll experience what they expect to happen & sometimes
get unpleasantly surprised. I've known many people who have what I call "passive" beliefs about their health, their income, their job or
other things in their lives.
i.e., someone who has always been healthy assumes they'll always be healthy, even though they smoke, drink to excess, eat fatty foods & don't exercise. Then they're surprised when they have a heart attack.
Or someone who has always had a secure job & believed
they'd always be taken care of. Then the rug gets pulled out from underneath them when they're laid off. Their expectations have been challenged, so they wonder if "The Magic of Believing" (by Claude Bristol)
really works.
An assumption isn't a confidently held belief. It's takes for granted that since this is
the way it's always been, it's always going to be this way. Except that we're always evolving & our beliefs have to keep up with our growth.
Trying to explain to these different people about the role of attitudes & beliefs then sometimes gets tangled. So I've tried to find a stronger, more descriptive
word than "belief," "attitude" or "expectation." I recently read it in "Your Thoughts Can Change Your Life" by Donald Curtis. The word is
"conviction."
A conviction is a belief that brooks
no opposition.
Even if
the condition hoped for doesn't appear,
a person with the conviction that it'll eventually happen just dismisses the current situation w/the thought, "Well, this wasn't the right one for me."
All the
facts in the world will not dissuade a person with strong convictions. Right or wrong, their strong opinion will prevail for them & they'll filter everything they experience thru those ideas.
Sounds like what we know about personal beliefs,
doesn't it?
The
attitudes we form as children are convictions about ourselves.
- "I'm no good."
- "I don't belong."
- "I don't deserve..."
- "I'm stupid."
No matter
what anyone tells us to the contrary, we don't believe them.
A teacher could point out that Jo's making straight A's, therefore
she's not stupid. But the facts don't make any difference to her.
On the other
hand, Joe could be making C's & have the conviction that he's intelligent but just doesn't study enough. A person who is convinced that
they're going to succeed just keeps getting up when they get knocked down. And because they learn more each time,
eventually they do succeed.
A person with the conviction that no matter what happens they'll land on their feet generally does just that.
They'll attract the right contacts, information, or direction into their life. But it must be a
conviction about this, not an assumption or
hoped for end result. They recognize that if a person can't get to their goal one way, another way will open.
Start identifying your convictions.
Do you have
confidence that the Universe is supporting you?
That you'll
always be led in the right direction?
That you're
deserving of all the good in the Universe?
Does your conviction about experiencing good health motivate you to exercise, eat right & release unhealthy habits?
Evaluate
the challenging areas of your life & discover what your conviction is about them.
When you've done this, write an affirmation that addresses that underlying belief so that
it reflects the Truth about the situation. When you do this, you'll become aware of what convictions are actually manifesting in your life. And you can then change them so that they reflect the beliefs that you
know to be true.
Everything
I need is now provided for my full experience of Life's abundance, joy, harmony & love. I now have the conviction of my beliefs.
Don't wait for magical solutions. DO SOMETHING
to help yourself. Be strong!
Confront any resistance to change & challenge all your defeatist attitudes. Learn to believe
you can change things.
There are many reasons why people avoid change -
It may be hard to understand your reasons for avoiding change if you're a procrastinator, but remember, there are reasons for everything (the procrastinator should read chapter
4).
Look for your reasons (it's likely
to be several reasons). i.e., shyness may enable you to avoid the stress of socializing; being irresponsible may get other people "off your back" since they're likely to stop expecting you to be a mature, capable, dependable person (see chapter 4).
If you decide some self-improvement is especially important but haven't made plans for changing within a day or two, then focus on the reasons for your inactivity.
If you can't be sure of the reason(s), then guess at it. Try to deal with the possible
resistance to change like any other problem, i.e. develop a plan of attack by analyzing your resistance
to change as well as the problem itself, as described in chapter 2.
There's good reason to believe that self-help techniques aren't remembered & used unless the person believes he/she is able to change him/herself.
Question the validity of your pessimism. And, people who have failed to change in the past won't believe they can change until they've drafted a good plan & done it. So, give it a try.
Practice thinking positively about your ability to change; be strong & do things to prove your self-help skills; daydream frequently about how nice it'll be after you change (see
chapter 14).
Likewise, face up to the bad consequences of not changing; don't give excuses & let yourself "off easy;" refuse to accept weakness, helplessness & self-defeating attitudes. As Epictetus said 2000 years ago,
"No man is free who is not master of himself."
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Have Faith in Merit of Questioning Beliefs
Fr. Ryan Mayer
Friday, January 27, 2006
“I hope no one blows us up,” said the Bosnian student in the front row of my Problem of God class. I had just finished going over the syllabus with the class, explaining what we were going to be reading, thinking & talking about for the rest of the semester. I asked if there were any questions & up went his hand.
For a second, I thought he was kidding. But just for a second. The look on his face & on the faces of many of his classmates quickly made it
clear to me that something serious was going through his mind.
His comment gave me pause
& set me to thinking. Over the past week or so I have come to realize that beneath the easy, warm daily interactions of Georgetown in Qatar there’s
a current of concern.
When I signed up to move to
the Middle East, I knew of course that I was moving into one of the world’s more dangerous neighborhoods, but I believed then & I still believe that Qatar is a relatively
safe corner of that neighborhood.
So, then, why is my student
fretting about being blown up in Problem of God?
I asked him what gave rise
to his question. He explained that he has lived in Qatar for the last 2 years & that he knows plenty of folks who think that the idea of inviting American universities to Qatar is just plain wrong-headed, amounting to little more than opening
the gates of the city to the invading marauders.
While this fear apparently comes to some with the opening of any American university to the Gulf region, there’s something particularly
neuralgic about the coming of a Catholic university which invites its students into the intellectual & personal challenges of a course like Problem of God.
He pointed out that he knows
many people - some deeply good, some not so good - who firmly believe that when it comes
to faith & religion, things simply have to be believed & done without questioning.
So, he looked at the syllabus,
reflected on his experience as a Bosnian Muslim with experience living in the Middle East & he began to worry about being blown
up.
We talked more & in the
end, came to the conclusion that when it comes to terrorism, no one in Doha or Washington can claim to be free from worry.
That discussion stuck with
me all through the night & into the next day. As I reflected on our conversation & on the many individual conversations I had with students after class, it struck me that there was
more to the nervousness & tension in the classroom that day than simple fear of terrorism. There was a sort of nervousness that was born of the syllabus itself.
I had explained to the class
that one of the aims of the course was to enable us to look critically, intelligently, carefully at what we believe & why we believe it. We were setting out to examine beliefs that we may have taken for granted all of our lives.
We are about to ask tough
questions of ourselves, of our inherited traditions, of our religious sense - questions that can enable us to move into the faith of adulthood.
That kind of questioning makes
an intelligent, young person of faith understandably nervous. Growing in understanding & deliberate, intelligent possession of a faith tradition is hard work. It requires a willingness to live through some tough patches during which you can come to doubt things which you previously accepted without question.
I recall feeling at times as an undergraduate that my own neatly constructed understanding of my faith had been “blown up” by something I had read, by a lecture a professor had given, by a late-night conversation
I had had with smart friends.
I must admit that I didn’t
much enjoy sitting in the internal rubble that sometimes resulted from such encounters, but I wouldn’t trade that experience
& the growth that came from the subsequent rebuilding for anything in the world.
In a sense, as we begin Problem
of God at SFS-Q, I hope we do get blown up.
Fr. Ryan Maher, S.J., is assistant dean for academic affairs in the School of Foreign Service
at Georgetown’s campus in Doha, Qatar. He can be reached at rjm27@georgetown.edu. As This Jesuit Sees It … appears every other Friday.
the following information was found at a very
wonderful website named, www.coping,org It's a huge resource of self help information on many topics
and it's totally invaluable. Take a visit and see for yourself. I thank the authors of that site for allowing non profits
like us to post their info!
click here to visit the page concerning irrational beliefs!
What
are irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs are:
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Messages about life we send to ourselves that keep us from growing emotionally.
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Scripts we have in our head about how we believe life "should'' be
for us and for others.
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Unfounded
attitudes, opinions, and values we hold to that are out of synchrony with the way the world really is.
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Negative sets of habitual responses we hold to when faced with stressful events or situations.
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Stereotypic
ways of problem solving we fall into in order to deal with life's pressures.
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Ideas, feelings, beliefs, ways of thinking, attitudes, opinions, biases, prejudices, or values with which we were raised. We have become accustomed to using them when faced with problems in our current life, even when
they are not productive in helping us reach a positive, growth-enhancing solution.
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Self-defeating ways of acting. On the surface they may look appropriate for the occasion, but actually they result in a neutral or negative consequence for us.
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Habitual ways of thinking, feeling, or acting that we think are effective; however, in the long run they are ineffectual.
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Counterproductive
ways of thinking, which give comfort and security in the short run, but either do not resolve or actually
exacerbate the problem in the long run.
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Negative or pessimistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
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Overly optimistic or idealistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
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Emotional arguments for taking or not taking action in the face of a challenge. When followed they result in no personal gain, but rather in greater personal hardship or loss.
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Patterns of thinking that make us appear to others as stubborn, bullheaded, intemperate, argumentative, or aloof.
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Ways of thinking about ourselves that are out of context with the real facts, resulting in our either under-valuing or over-valuing ourselves.
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Means by which we become confused about the intentions of others when we are enmeshed in interpersonal problems with them.
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Lifelong
messages sent to us either formally or informally by: society, culture, community, race, ethnic reference group, neighborhood,
church, social networks, family, relatives, peer group, school, work, or parents. They are unproductive
in solving our current problem or crisis, but we are either unwilling or unable to let go of them. These messages can be very clear to us or they can be hidden in our subconscious.
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Conclusions
about life that we have developed over time, living in an irrational environment not identified as being irrational (e.g., beliefs developed
as a member of a high-stress family).
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Standards
by which we were reared and from which we learned how to act, what to believe, and how to
express or experience feelings. When followed, however, these standards do not result in a satisfactory resolution of our current problems.
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Ritualistic
ways by which we pursue our relationships with others, resulting in nonproductive relationships and
increased emotional stress.
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Outmoded, unproductive, unrealistic expectations exacted on ourselves and/or others, guaranteed to be unattainable and to result in continuing negative self-concepts.
What are some examples of irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs (negative) about self:
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I do not deserve positive attention from others.
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I
should never burden others with my problems or fears.
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I am junk.
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I
am uncreative, nonproductive, ineffective, and untalented.
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I
am worthless.
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I
am the worst example on earth of a person.
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I
am powerless to solve my problems.
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I
have so many problems, I might as well give up right now.
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I
am so dumb about things, I can never solve anything as complex as this.
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I
am the ugliest, most unattractive, unappealing, fat slob in the world.
Irrational beliefs (negative) about others:
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No one cares about anyone else.
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All men
(or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted.
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Successful relationships are a trick; you have no control over how they turn out.
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People are out to get whatever they can from you; you always end up being used.
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People are so opinionated; they are never willing to listen to other's points of view.
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You are bound to get hurt in a relationship; it makes no difference how you try to change it.
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There
is a loser in every fight, so avoid fights at all costs.
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All people
are out for #1; you need to know you'll always be #2, no matter what.
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It's
not who you are but what you do that makes you attractive to another person.
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What
counts in life is others' opinions of you.
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There
is a need to be on guard in dealing with others to insure that you don't get hurt.
Irrational beliefs on other topics
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There
is only one way of doing things.
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Work is the punishment man must endure for being human.
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A family
that plays (prays) together always stays together.
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Always
protecting against the forces of evil in life is the only way to live.
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There
are always two choices: right or wrong; black or white; win or lose; pass or fail; grow or stagnate.
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Once you are married and have children, you join the normal human race.
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A handicapped
person is imperfect, to be pitied, and to be dropped along the path of life.
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Admitting
to a mistake or to failure is a sign of weakness.
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The showing of any kind of emotion is wrong, a sign of weakness, and not allowable.
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Asking
for help from someone else is a way of admitting your weakness; it denies the reality that only you can solve your problems.
How can we recognize irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs can be present if we:
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Find ourselves caught
up in a vicious cycle in addressing our problems.
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Find a continuing
series of "catch 22's'' where every move we make to resolve a problem results in more or greater problems.
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Have been suffering
silently (or not so silently) with a problem for a long time, yet have not taken steps to get help to address the problem.
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Have decided on
a creative problem solving solution, yet find ourselves incapable of implementing the solution.
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Have chosen a problem
solving course of action to pursue and find that we are unhappy with this course of action; yet we choose to avoid looking
for alternatives.
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Are afraid of pursuing
a certain course of action because of the guilt we will feel if we do it.
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Find we are constantly
obsessed with a problem yet take no steps to resolve it.
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Find we are immobilized
in the face of our problems.
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Find that the only
way to deal with problems is to avoid them, deny them, procrastinate about them, ignore them, run away from them, turn our
back on them.
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Find that we can argue both
sides of our problem, becoming unable to make a decision.
What are the benefits of refuting our irrational beliefs?
By refuting our irrational beliefs we are able to:
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Unblock our emotions
and feelings about ourselves and our problems.
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Become productive,
realistic problem solvers.
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Gain greater credibility
with ourselves and others.
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Gain clarity, purpose,
and intention in addressing our current problems.
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Reduce the fear
of guilt or of hurting others in solving problems.
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Identify the barriers
and obstacles that must first be hurdled before our problems can be resolved.
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Come to greater
honesty about ourselves and our problems.
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Put our problem
into a realistic perspective as to its importance, magnitude, and probability of being solved.
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Separate our feelings
from the content of the problem.
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Live richer, more
authentic lives.
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View our lives in
a healthier perspective, with greater meaning and direction.
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Gain our sense of
humor in the presence of our problems and in their resolution.
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Recognize our self-worth
and self-goodness and separate it from the errors and mistakes we have made in our lives.
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Forgive ourselves
and others for mistakes made.
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Give ourselves and
others kindness, tenderness, and understanding during times of great stress.
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Gain a sense of purpose and
order in our lives as we solve problems.
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Feel productive
as we labor through the muck and mire of our problems.
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Respect our rights
and the rights of others as we solve problems.
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Clarify our feelings about the
behavior of others without the barrier of self-censorship or fear of rejection.
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Gain a "win-win'' solution to
problems, which involves ourselves with others. It opens us up to compromise.
Steps to take in refuting an irrational belief
-
Step 1: Is
your thinking and problem solving ability being blocked by an irrational belief? Consider a specific problem as you answer
the following questions:
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Am I going in circles
in trying to solve this problem?
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Is there something
inside of me that is preventing or keeping me from taking the necessary actions in this matter?
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Am I bothered by
the thoughts of what I or others "should do, act like, think, or feel'' in this situation?
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Do I find myself
saying how this situation "should be," having a hard time facing it the way it really is?
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Do I use fantasy
or magical thinking in looking at this problem? Am I always hoping that by some miracle it will go away?
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Am I burdened by
the fear of what others think of me as I work on this problem?
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Do I know what the
solution is, but become paralyzed in its implementation?
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Do I find myself
using a lot of "yes but's'' in discussing this problem?
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Do I find it easier
to procrastinate, avoid, divert my attention, ignore, or run away from this problem?
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Is this problem
causing much distress and discomfort for me and/or others, and yet I remain stumped in trying to resolve it?
Step 2: If
you have answered yes to any or all of the questions in Step 1, you are probably facing a problem or situation in which a
blocking irrational belief is clouding your thinking. The next thing to do is to try to identify the blocking irrational belief.
Answer the following questions in your journal:
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Is the blocking
belief something I have believed in all my life?
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Is the blocking belief coming
from the teachings of my parents, church, family, peers, work, society, culture, community, race, ethnic reference group,
or social network?
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Is the blocking
belief something that always recurs when I am trying to solve problems similar to this one?
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Is the blocking
belief something that has helped me solve problems successfully in the past?
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Is the blocking
belief one that tends to make me dishonest with myself about this problem?
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Is the blocking
belief an immobilizing concept that sparks fear of guilt or fear of rejection in my mind as I face this problem?
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Is the blocking
belief something that can be stated in a sentence or two?
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Is the blocking
belief a consistent statement as I face this problem, or does it tend to change as variables of this problem become more clear
to me?
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Is the blocking
belief a tangible statement of belief or is it simply a feeling or intuition?
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Can
I state the blocking belief? If so, write it in your journal: My blocking
belief is:
Step 3:
Once you have identified the blocking belief in Step 2, test its rationality. Answer the following questions about
the belief, ``yes'' or ``no.''
Is there any basis
in reality to support this belief as always being true?
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Does this belief
encourage personal growth, emotional maturity, independence of thinking and action, and stable mental health?
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Is this belief one
which, if ascribed to, will help you overcome this or future problems in your life?
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Is this belief one
which, if ascribed to, will result in behavior that is self defeating for you?
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Does this belief
protect you and your rights as a person?
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Does this belief
assist you in connecting honestly and openly with others so that healthy, growth engendering interpersonal relationships result?
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Does this belief
assist you in being a creative, rational problem solver who is able to identify a series of alternatives from which you can
choose your own personal priority solutions?
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Does this belief
stifle your thinking and problem solving ability to the point of immobilization?
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When you tell others of this
belief do they support you because that is the way everyone in your family, peer group, work, church, or community thinks?
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Is this belief an
absolute? Is it a black or white, yes or no, win or lose, no options in the middle type of belief?
Healthy answers are:
1-no 2-yes 3-yes 4-no 5-yes 6-yes 7-yes 8-no 9-no 10-no
If you are unable
to give healthy answers to one or more question in Step 2, then your blocking belief is most likely irrational.
Step 4: Once
you have determined that the blocking belief is irrational, you are ready to refute this irrational belief. Respond to the
following questions in your journal:
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How do I consistently
feel when I think of this belief?
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Is there anything
in reality to support this belief as being true?
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What in reality
supports the lack of absolute truth in this belief?
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Does the truth of
this belief exist only in the way I talk, act, or feel about this problem?
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What is the worst
thing that could happen to me if I do not hold on to this belief?
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What positive things
might happen to me if I do not hold on to this belief?
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What would be an
appropriate, realistic belief I could substitute for this irrational belief?
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How would I feel
if I substituted this new belief for my blocking belief?
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How will I grow
and how will my rights and the rights of others be protected by this substitute belief?
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What is keeping
me from accepting this alternate belief?
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Once you have answered
these questions, substitute a rational belief and act on it.
My
substitute rational healthy belief is:
Step 5: If
you still have trouble solving problems, return to Step 1 and begin again.
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