• accent
• accentuate
• anxiety
• apprehension
• assert
• burden
• distress
• emphasis
• exertion
• force
• highlight
• intensity
• pain
• pressure
• resistance
• significance 
• strain

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines stress as a factor that induces bodily or mental tension. But is stress always a negative thing? Is it internal or external & are we at the root cause or is it really everything & everyone else's fault?

We come to this life with some marvelous equipment. Better than a computer – we automatically can upgrade our systems if:

• we're open to it 
• want it 
• plan for it 
• face it head on & are willing to let go

Dr. Han Selye, was the father of research on the most notable studies of stress. It's said that when he retired he apologized for naming stress – “stress”. He felt a better name would have been “strain”.

He thought that the impact of external stress was a strain on our bodies, minds & souls & that the strain of external stress was similar to that of a session at the gym.

He suggests that approaching the strains of life in this way would offer us a positive opportunity to build our “emotional muscle,” to become more resilient & tolerate to external stressors.

Stress or strain according to these terms actually could better us & not break us. Has the power of suggestion been so strong that once we were told stress was "bad" for us it became just that? What does too much stress do for you? 

Wears & tears our bodies up – headaches, neck & shoulder aches, rashes, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, cardiac problems, chronic disease & pain….

Were you aware that over 60% of all family doctor office visits occur due to unrelieved stress? People who live in a high state of anxiety & stress are 4.5 times more likely to die of a heart attack or suffer a stroke.

Stress-related injuries on the job are on the rise – accounting for at least 15% of all injuries. 7 of 10 respondents to a national poll said they felt stress in a typical work day. 

Wear & tears our emotions – creates anger, depression, distrust, frustration, anxiety 

Wear & tears our will & spirit – keeps us from our creative, happy & problem solving selves

What does good stress do for you?

Motivates us 

Compels us to action 

Opens us to new experiences

What can you do about it? 

• Create more of the good stress & have it work on your behalf. 

• Create more effective stress for yourself by avoiding so called time saving prescriptions that create more strain in the undertaking. 

• “Plan” bad stress away. " Plan" it away thru education. Arm yourself with the tools of resilience. 

• Learn from every situation & experience - what went right, what could have gone better, what to do differently in the future & then let go of any regret or disappointment 

• "Re-train" your brain to think "strain" not stress.

What does stress relief look like? 

• Improved communication 
• Enhanced relationships 
• Developed creative problem solving skills 
• Better reaction to external stressors 
• Stress Hardy behaviors & reactions 
• Growth thru grief

How do we get there? We have over time developed a set of habits that either work with us or against us. Our upbringing also contributes to our stress hardiness or lack there of.

Working thru grief's challenges alongside everyday life creates different strains from internal stress & external stressors.

How do we create habits that will work with us? We do it one habit at a time. Because we're a society based on lists I present to you yet another one. (Somewhere along the line we became that way – probably David Lettermen had something to do with it with his top 10 list many years ago. Not that I'm competitive in any way - but here are my top 12!)

What is the definition of stress?

Stress is defined as a person's response to his environment. Stress is measured in terms of arousal or stimulation. Stress must be present for a person to function.

Each person has his own normal (homeostatic) level of arousal at which he functions best. If something unusual in the environment occurs, this level of arousal is affected.

There are 3 phases of arousal:

• Phase 1  Alarm phase: When an unusual (or stressful) event occurs, the output of energy drops for a short period as the event is registered in the person's mind.

• Phase 2  Adaptation phase: Next, the output of energy increases above the normal level; arousal is heightened as the person seeks to deal w/the situation. Adaptation responses available to humans include physically running away, fighting, freezing (self immobilization), suppression emotion or learning.

Phase 3 Exhaustion phase: Finally the person's available energy is expended & his capacity to function effectively is reduced.

What is the stress/relaxation physical response cycle?

The physical response to stress is as follows:

Increased:

• heart rate

• blood pressure

• respiration

• perspiration

• pupil dilation

• muscle tension

The physical response to relaxation is as follows:

The signs of this physical response include:

• decreased: heart rate
• blood pressure
• respiration
• pupil dilation
• muscle tension

The Process of Stress

• When a potential stressor is perceived as threatening, the person’s level of arousal is increased & stress is experienced.
• The person selects from the available resources a coping response that's expected to be effective in reducing or eliminating the stressor.
• If stress is successfully reduced the person experiences a relaxation of arousal & increased confidence in being able to handle future stressors.

There's a lot you can do on your own to manage stress. One very basic tool is to learn the concepts about what stress is & how it affects your body.

Stress & Health Facts

1. 75-90% of all physician visits are stress-related.

2. 50% of all hospital admissions could have been prevented by a change in lifestyle.

3. $15 billion are lost yearly by American industry due to stress-related absenteeism.

4. Heart Disease, cancer & stroke, all stress-related disorders,
were the top 3 causes of death in the US in 1996.

5. In one year, 1.5 million people in the US have a heart disease.

12 Habits for Health & Resilience

Just as we can build our physical bodies following an illness we can build our emotional “muscle” in times of despair & distress. Creating new habits involves a commitment & willingness to accept these uninvited deviations into our life. To be open to seeing ourselves in a different light.

Grief changes us & it may be that very aspect of change that we resist as we struggle with our feelings. We don't think the same, we aren't the same person as before the death & this "newness" becomes the way thru which we see others, our everyday life & our world.

Is grief not only heartache over the loss but also our attempt to cope with change? Are they one in the same? Are they worked thru in the same way?

Our old lifestyle & habits don't comfort us anymore. Who we are now no longer matches the old habits. What we want isn't always what we need. What gives stress a negative name isn't the condition itself but our emotional & physical response to it.

The truth is that stress doesn't have to be so "stressful." What follows are 12 stress habits that we can utilize as tools on our journey thru this thing called life. .

1. Do More Than Just Survive

"Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak Whispers the o'er-fraught heart & bids it break."

William Shakespeare

Recognizing & understanding the impact that the ups & downs of life can have on us physically, emotionally & spiritually & working thru each of those less than ideal situations is an important step in bringing harmony your way.

There are no rose colored glasses strong enough to filter out pain, disappointment & unrealized expectation. Tuck unresolved hurts away & you'll discover they know how to find you – usually at your weakest moment or when you least expect it.

Learning to process thru the rough spots & actually deal w/the situation at hand is the fist part to learning how to weather disappointment. Life will not always deliver us everything for which we wished & hoped.

There will be times when a colleague forgets a lunch date w/you, a long-promised & coveted promotion isn't granted, or a friend fails to come thru for you. Loved ones will die. Whether it's a minor letdown or a major disappointment, it's important to learn to weather life's blows.

Life's disappointments are easier to weather when we avoid "catastrophizing."(article on Straight Thinking, Common Sense & Good Arguments explains catastrophizing in more detail.) Some people add to their frustrations by making an issue a major catastrophe when it doesn't need to be one. Try reminding yourself that one sad event doesn't mean you'll never be happy again.

A bad day is just that & much different than the stress of the death of a loved one - expected or not. Some of you have already confronted the worse that you ever thought could happen.  

Perspective is everything.

Finally, by using these types of techniques, you'll benefit by not only reducing the tension in your life but also by actually transforming old stresses into new strengths.

Our Tasks: Learn more about sadness, disappointment & coping with loss. Become aware of how loss is really defined. If you understand that you're dealing with strain – you can treat a difficult situation like a workout at the gym.

You do your very best, pause afterward & ask, “what can I learn from this? “ Then imagine yourself doing better next time & look forward to the improvement that'll come w/the next effort.

Action Plan: Attend lectures, read books & discuss the subject of loss with a trusted group of friends. Convert accident & misfortune into good luck. Create a talent for serendipity .

2.. Forgive & Forget

"As we grow in wisdom, we pardon more freely."

 Anne-Louise Germaine De Stael

We bring it on ourselves sometimes. Many of life's stresses are the direct result of festering grudges against those who have hurt us in some way. Rehashing wrongs – perceived or real - & harboring hurts adds considerably to the burden of life.

Learn to forgive. Factor in that humans have aren't perfect. Some make faulty choices & other never mature. Forgive & let it go. Be gentle with ourselves & each other.

Our Tasks: Learn what it takes to forgive but not necessarily to forget. There are lessons to be learned from forgiveness vs. being a doormat.

Action Plan: I attended the New Year's Eve service at the local Unity Church 5 or 6 years ago. At the midnight service we performed 2 tasks.

First we wrote a letter to ourselves noting those things we'd work on in the coming year to forgive ourselves for. The letter was sealed & mailed but not opened until the next New Year's.

The 2nd task was to write something we wanted to forgive another for. The piece of paper was then placed in a bowl & burned with papers written by the other participants.

We then offered up a prayer for an act of release & letting go of the perceived or real wrongdoing. Seeing the harmfulness of the situation literally go up in smoke created a freshness to move forward with.

3. Create Bridges Not Walls

“Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity & wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we aren't likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day & every decade worth looking forward to. “

Greg Anderson

Learning to set boundaries is a bit of wisdom that comes late to us in life. Perhaps the educational system missed the boat when they failed to provide this exceptional tool for sanity. Coming to us later after many birthdays is better than never.

Establishing your limits when working or interacting with another person or situation can be learned. We've spent our early life as children learning to be polite, saying “yes” when we wanted to say no & actually needed to say no way.

We were always being courteous even if it resulted in our getting hurt - emotionally & sometimes physically. Sometimes being all those things can be harmful & neglectful to our inner self.

Growing in our self-knowledge we set the stage for keeping safe & eliminate one more thing that grinds away at our very being.

visit the self pages! a study of the "self" in one site! part of the emotional feelings network of sites!

Our Tasks: Realize that boundaries are an important part to creating a life that is whole. Expressing what we need while we're experiencing bereavement is one way to establish a boundary.

The other person is left to listen & act accordingly. When they don't listen it becomes their issue & they suffer the consequences which might include a loss of relationship with you.

Action Plan: Explore ways to set boundaries. Read about it, discuss the subject with a professional or clergy. A particularly helpful book I continue to use as resource is titled, Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.

4. Build Emotional Muscle

“Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others.”

 Aristotle

What does it really take to become stress - hardy? A magic pill perhaps? Blaming the “ other guy”? Taking a job where the only contact you have is either with books, computers or monkeys might do the trick.

While you're waiting for that job or for your Peace Corp application to clear – consider building the skills that are the real tonic for well-being.

Taking courses in: - Building Self-esteem - Creating Assertiveness - Enhancement of your life thru time management - Dealing with Difficult People - Eliminating Clutter - Getting Money Matters Under Control - Learn to Journal - Explore Humor Therapy - Discover Anger Management

Our Tasks: Work towards building your own set of tolerance generating skills. List all the things you like & appreciate about yourself. Practice positive self-talk. Congratulate yourself with any achievement.  (or celebrate small accomplishments!)

Action Plan: Check into community resources for learning these skills. Find self-study programs on the web. Go to the library. Read a book on the topic.

5. Make Sweet Talk

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee & just as hard to sleep after.”

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Are you always clearly understood? Do people hear what you really are saying? Do you experience “ conversation remorse” - wishing you shoulda, coulda, woulda said that instead of this?

Do you find yourself at a loss for words when someone has experienced a death, disappointment or loss?

Are you afraid to say something least you hurt their feelings so instead you say nothing at all?

If I had to pick just one of the 12 Habits to work on, I'd go with this one. Communication & lack there of is the major source of stress common in all our lives.

Our Tasks: Consider strengthening your linguistic muscle by learning to speak & hear with your heart. Anyone can be sympathetic. Take it further. Be determined to have good empathy skills for others & for yourself. Comprehend views that you disagree with & see what's legitimate to another person’s view or opinion.

Action Plan: Lessons in compassionate communication, non-violent problem solving & conflict resolution can give you a sense of confidence that can take you the distance. A good place to start is with a book entitled Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. (it's also important to examine your listening skills in communication development)

6. Give Unto Others

“Be of service. Whether you make yourself available to a friend or co-worker, or you make time every month to do volunteer work, there is nothing that harvests more of a feeling of empowerment than being of service to someone in need.”

Gillian Anderson

Seems unlikely that adding one more thing to your already burdened schedule would do any good or provide any relief from stress. Walking in the other guy’s shoes can lend perspective to a narrow view on life.

If you assume that the other guy has got life better or the grass is greener – helping those who need to be lifted just a bit can build your own emotional resilience.

Give yourself a “helper’s high” & warm someone else’s heart.

Our Tasks: Volunteer to help another. Find something that is very different from what your profession is. Do something you may have difficulty picturing you doing.

Action Plan: Investigate Volunteer opportunities. Check with your local United Way for ideas.

7. Reach For a Higher Love

“Spirituality means waking up. Most people, even though they don't know it, are asleep. They're born asleep, they live asleep, they marry in their sleep, they breed children in their sleep, they die in their sleep without ever waking up. They never understand the loveliness & the beauty of this thing that we call human existence. “

Anthony de Mello

The benefits of a spiritual self are likely conveyed in a way that's frequently misunderstood. It's been noted as of late that a large & growing number of studies have shown a direct relationship between religious involvement & positive health outcomes, including mortality, mental illness, health-related quality of life, quality of life & coping with illness.

Our Tasks: Explore the role spirituality has played in your life.

Action Plan: Investigate activities such as yoga, meditation & chanting to help you take stock in your own spirituality to best learn where you may want to make some changes.

Would you like to learn to meditate? Shambhala International was founded by Tibetan Buddhist master, scholar & artist, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Shambhala Centers typically offer a variety of programs for beginning to advanced meditation practitioners.

The practice of mindfulness-awareness enables us to look at our state our mind. In Austin contact: http://www.austin.shambhala.org/ At the site check out the links page for a written guide to learning to meditate.

8. Cultivate Community

“All things are possible once enough human beings realize that everything is at stake.” 

Norman Cousins

We live in a society that's fast paced & somewhat intolerant of intimacy. Drive-thru divorces, limited contact w/busy friends & out of town relatives, we humans are made & built for companionship. Let a friend into your life. Lose the expectation that that friend will come from a predicted source. After my son died, the old friend network was gone. People that I least expected to attach to – became the closest friends.

Our Tasks: - Create new rituals - Cultivating relationships - Developing a safe, supportive, social network - Lose old expectations as to what a friend should "look" like - Worry less about the quantity of friends - focus on the quality of those who surround & support you.

Action Plan: Surround yourself w/positive personalities - choose winners. Become positive yourself. Try thinking of another person as your teacher. Things work better when you're involved. Advocate for something. Find value in your everyday world.

9. Learn Body Smarts

“Physical fitness isn't only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it's the basis of dynamic & creative intellectual activity.” 

John F. Kennedy

Good for the body & good for the soul, the mind / body connection has now become recognized by the medical profession as a valued tool for well-being. Physicians have long suspected that stress, which can put us at risk for various life threatening conditions also has an adverse impact on the immune system, nervous system & general mental functioning. All these things impact our emotional health. Why resist the benefits of walk? Why deny yourself the adrenalin rush of a bike ride? Why not build those triceps & biceps?

Our Tasks: Find an activity or exercise that can be easily adopted & maintained.

Action Plan: Set goals that are achievable in the time set aside. No time to train to run that marathon? Start by walking first for 11 minutes a day & continue the 11 minutes by practicing it for 40 days.

In Kundalini Yogic tradition it takes:

• 40 days: to change a habit
• 90 days: to confirm a habit
• 120 days: the new habit is who you are
• 1000 days: you have mastered the new habit

Build on the smaller successes. Don't give up too soon.

10. Be a lab rat

A vision without a plan is just a dream. A plan without a vision is just drudgery. But a vision with a plan can change the world. 

Proverb

Live life fully in Life’s "Living Lab." You're living an experience that can teach you more about your world & where you fit into it. Listen for it. If someone told you that you could have a free 7 day trip to Europe would you turn it down because the length of the trip wasn’t long enough?

Would you create a plan to maximize the time granted or waste the time spent there wandering aimlessly?

How is this scenario different from your life?

You have no idea how many days this "trip" thru life has to offer. Plan for the best experience you can. Learn from past experiences all that you can. Use that knowledge to write a plan for the future.

Learn to set achievable goals. Think you can’t or don’t have the time? If you have a “to do” list tucked away in your briefcase or formatted into your Palm Pilot you already have a written plan you just need to expand it - take it 1 month out, 1 year out, or 5 years out.

Incorporate your value system, beliefs & desires into it. Put anything you want on this list - no matter how far - fetched it may sound. Build on it from there.

Our Tasks: Determine what you need & want from life. Expect good outcomes. Adapt your environment - to reduce stress & strain within your home.

Action Plan: Write a mission statement, establish written short & long term goals & create a 5 year plan. The web offers online & free resources to help you write a simple plan of action. Look in to a web site called: www.mygoals.com . This is but one online service to help you write life goals.

11. Practice Good Karma

“But remember this: in the final analysis, you can believe in your dream, you can be taught, supported, motivated & loved by others, but ultimately, your success depends on you. You must take responsibility for your body, your mind & for your character.“

Mike Schmidt

The popular understanding of karma is that if you do good things, good things will happen to you in this life or perhaps the next. If you do evil, bad things will happen to you again in this life or the next.

Karmic debt implies that the there's a cause & an effect to our actions. The “effect” will take place in the next life or one there after. Taking responsibility for our actions in this life offers the most immediate reward.

But are we a society that takes responsibility for our actions?

Have we not been rewarded for blaming the other guy?

Someone else is always the one who should pay the price for anything that doesn’t feel good, timely or perfect. What people perceive as good or evil, varies w/their values.

Your parents, friends, work & the teachings of religious or spiritual groups w/whom you affiliate influence your values. You formulate some of your own values thru your reflection & experience.

So there are very different notions of what constitutes good & bad karma between individuals & between groups.

Our Tasks: Eliminate words like “martyr” & “victim” from your vocabulary.

Eliminate the phrases,

• " poor me"
• " I have such bad luck"
• “ look what has happened to me now!” 
• "my life / health / body / etc. would be better if only he / she / it / they would change"
• "why me!"

Stop portraying upsetting people as villains. Life provides experiences & no where is it written that those experiences will be one of choice. We get bad apples. We don't have to keep them though. We don't have to become one either.

Action Plan: Accept responsibility for your choices, behavior & actions.

12. Mind Your Matter

“The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn... & change.”

Carl R. Rogers

The most-stressed people are those whose interests are narrow & limited. Consider diversifying your life so that you have several interests & commitments. Not only will you expand your experience level – it'll also help you keep your options open should one area of your life begin to circle the drain.

If we limit what we're exposed to we prevent opportunities for creating an interesting life from reaching us.

Our Tasks: Continue to open yourself to learning something new. It's good aerobic exercise for your brain. Become a " frequent flyer" at the local community college or university.

Action Plan: From your Life Plan identify one new thing to learn each month.

" A wounded deer leaps the highest." 

Emily Dickinson

Wisdom & Mastery Essentials

Are your unrealistic expectations (or perceptions) causing stress?

If we could dissect what’s going on internally when typical workday stress occurs, most of us would see that there’s a conflict between what we perceive, expect or want & the circumstances we're handed in reality.

i.e., you might create stress for yourself when you set an unrealistically short deadline, or when your standards or wishes for someone else's behavior don't match his actual behavior or capabilities.

You might see someone's behavior as rude, i.e. & feel strongly that he should take responsibility & act differently. Or you might create frustration for yourself when you avoid something you know you need to do, such as have a firm conversation w/someone about unacceptable performance that's hindering the progress of a key project, or communicate forthrightly when your opinion differs from someone else's. By failing to act when we know such action is required, we create anxiety & stress.

If you don’t resolve such conflict between your expectations & reality, you’ll expend truckloads of time & energy anguishing about it, rather than taking action.

If you do take action when you're highly frustrated or stressed, it won’t be as thoughtful or productive. The blow to your morale, the poor quality of work, the wasted time & energy & the still-unresolved issue are more than enough to encourage you to put the brakes on this pattern by taking an audit of your perspective & the external reality.

First aid for unrealistic expectations

When your expectations are clashing w/what's real, you’ve got to pause & assess what you can control & what you’ll have to accept as "the way it is." Here are a few tips for observing & processing external information & managing internal conflicts that might occur:

Assess what’s going on: Reduce your internal conflict down to the lowest common denominator. How are your perceptions different from the external cues that you're receiving?

What factors or ideas are conflicting? What caused the conflict (inaction, a voice tone that someone used, or a cultural norm in the company)?

Why are you reacting to the external information in this way? Where do you expect more (or something different) than reality is delivering?

i.e., do you have a deadline that others aren't going to make?

Don't leave this stage until you're confident that you've pinpointed the source & reason for the conflict.

Determine what’s in your control & under your realm of responsibility: From your assessment, identify the elements that are truly your responsibility or in your sphere of influence (you might be able to influence something you aren't directly responsible for, if it ultimately affects an area for which you are responsible)

Are you really responsible for someone else’s reaction, for example?

Is the IT department’s rollout schedule under your control?

Have you shirked a responsibility that was required to meet your expectation?

Is someone else's performance causing problems?

Consider that there may be more than one way to do things: For many people, adopting a "live & let live" mentality is very difficult, particularly in areas of behavior that challenge core beliefs & values.

If you place a high value on personal responsibility, i.e., you'll likely get very frustrated when someone's behavior seems irresponsible or inconsiderate or if they seem to have an entitlement mentality.

Even in these tough scenarios, it's often best to ration your energy & response to situations where it can truly help & recognize that this may not be the windmill to charge!

Marianne Williamson, in her book "A Return to Love", asks the important question: Would you rather be happy or right? The need to be right & have everyone conform to your belief system, expends a lot of energy w/no or few results & creates an incredible amount of stress.

Plan & take appropriate action:  One potential remedy for aligning expectations w/reality is to plan & take action based on thoughtful assessment.

Using your list (or mindmap, or whatever brainstorming tool that you used above) & assign yourself activities that will help alleviate your internal conflict by aligning your expectations w/what's realistically achievable.

The first action must be a mechanism for ridding your mind of the perception that you can control what you can’t. Snap yourself into reality.

The word 'stress' is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as "a state of affair involving demand on physical or mental energy".

A condition or circumstance (not always adverse), which can disturb the normal physical & mental health of an individual.

In medical parlance 'stress' is defined as a perturbation of the body's homeostasis. This demand on mind-body occurs when it tries to cope w/ incessant changes in life.

A 'stress' condition seems 'relative' in nature. Extreme stress conditions, psychologists say, are detrimental to human health but in moderation stress is normal & in many cases, proves useful.

Stress, nonetheless, is synonymous w/ negative conditions. Today, w/ the rapid diversification of human activity, we come face to face w/ numerous causes of stress & the symptoms of stress & depression.

At one point or the other everybody suffers from stress. Relationship demands, physical as well as mental health problems, pressure at workplaces, traffic snarls, meeting deadlines, growing-up tensions -all of these conditions & situations are valid causes of stress..

People have their own methods of stress management. In some people, stress-induced adverse feelings & anxieties tend to persist & intensify. Learning to understand & master stress management techniques can help prevent the counter effects of this urban malaise.

The Dynamics of Stress

"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool & unruffled under all circumstances."

Thomas Jefferson

In a challenging situation the brain prepares the body for defensive action - "the fight or flight response" by releasing stress hormones, namely, cortisone & adrenaline.

These hormones raise the blood pressure & the body prepares to react to the situation. With a concrete defensive action (fight response) the stress hormones in the blood get used up, entailing reduced stress effects & symptoms of anxiety.

When we fail to counter a stress situation (flight response) the hormones & chemicals remain unreleased in the blood stream for a long period of time.

It results in stress related physical symptoms such as:

• tense muscles
• unfocused anxiety
• dizziness 
• rapid heartbeats

We all encounter various stressors (causes of stress) in everyday life, which can accumulate, if not released.

Subsequently, it compels the mind & body to be in an almost constant alarm-state in preparation to fight or flee.

This state of accumulated stress can increase the risk of both:

• acute & chronic psychosomatic illnesses
• weaken the immune system of the human body

Kinds of Stress

Some stresses involve other people:

• work requirements
• family relations
• critical boss
• children's needs
• too much responsibility
• too little authority
• too much work
• not enough time to do it in
• traffic : Traffic Stress? Cinnamon, Peppermint May Help -Study: Those 2 Scents Put the Brakes on Driver Fatigue, Road Rage

Some stresses are psychological:

• worrying
• fears
• feeling helpless
• feeling irritated
• frustrated

Some stresses are hidden. They affect you w/out your being aware of them.

Physical stresses are hidden stresses, but they can have a powerful effect on your sense of well-being. Physical stress can come in the form of things we ingest:

• coffee
• alcohol
• drugs
• prescription medications
• pesticides
• preservatives
• nicotine

Physical stresses can be environmental stresses such as:

• smog
• pollution
• noise
• humidity
• more common sensations such as heat, cold, pain, hunger
• lack of sleep
• injury
• effects of disease

Stress is cumulative. If you feel stressed, try to eliminate some of the hidden stresses first.

i.e., imagine a situation where you have several stresses at the same time:

• driving in a hot car
• w/the radio on
• w/children making noise 
• you take a wrong turn

Is all stress bad?

Not all stress is distress:

• a certain amount of stress or pressure is necessary & shows a positive adaptation being made by a person. This is called eustress.

Bad or negative stress is called "distress:" the negative physiological & emotional response when stress is intense & unresolved.

There are 3 degrees of stress:

• Low: This is distress leading to boredom, fatigue, frustration or dissatisfaction.
• Optimum: This is stress leading to creativity, problem solving, progress, change, learning & energetic satisfaction.
• High: esteem & irrational problem solving.

Do We Need Stress?

So life w/out any stress is what we're striving for, right?

Imagine going to an island where there was no stress. How long would you be happy?

(This is a good way to measure how stressed you are at this moment. The longer you wish you could stay at the island w/no stress, the higher your present stress usually is.)

After a while on this island, what would probably happen? You'd get bored (boredom is a stress) & want something interesting to do.

Some stress is necessary & desireable to make life interesting. A stress that we relate to as a challenge (w/in our coping abilities) prompts us to act & we accomplish a goal.

But too much stress causes us anxiety & fear & causes us to make mistakes.

Our quality of performance is related to our level of stress. Too little stress & we're bored, as retired people or people w/unsatisfying jobs might discover. An increase in stress, still w/in what we're capable of handling, is productive for us & encourages us to perform or accomplish, up to a certain point.

That's our "optimum performance range." Actors usually say that a certain amount of nervousness before going on stage is good, because they know that they can turn that stress into a strong performance.

Any stress beyond what we think we can handle though, causes our performance to decline. We make mistakes & feel anxiety.

"Don't take my stress away- its' the only thing holding me together!"

Some people think they rely on stress to keep themselves going. It's true that feeling stressed can create changes in your body that may temporarily increase your energy & alertness but these body changes are costly to your health if used habitually.

Introduction to Police Stress

by Hal Brown, LICSW
Police Stress Therapist & Special Police Officer

This web site deals w/the unique stress of police work. When I refer to police stress what I say often applies to stress among all of those working in public safety:

• correction officers
• firefighters
• dispatchers
• EMS personnel
• police families
• police wives 
• police husbands

Other public safety professions protect & serve & much of what Police  Stressline is about will be relevant to those of you who aren't police officers.

But the specific phrase police stress has become a term that defines the stress  of a being a member of a unique subculture w/in society composed of people who deal not only w/life & death, but w/the apprehension of criminals & dealing on a daily basis w/the ambivalence of the average citizen to those who wield the power & authority of the badge.

But again, having received numerous comments since starting this web site in February of 1998, I'm appreciative of the stress all public safety personnel have to cope with.

All you have to do is observe an accident scene when firefighters, EMS, dispatchers & police are all working together,  to understand the commonalties between these professions.  These are the people who run towards gunfire, not away from it & go into burning buildings, not out of them & can be counted on to be good Samaritans even off-duty.

In these violent times any crime or accident scene can erupt into a dangerous confrontation. Who ever heard the term "road rage" ten years ago? Who ever thought  saliva would become a potential weapon? "

The initials A.I.D.S. meant nothing. Latex gloves & eye protectors have probably saved as many public safety personnel lives (& a lot of worry) as bulletproof vests.

Children w/guns? Unheard of in the 1970's. The list goes on & on.  Now it includes domestic & foreign terrorists.  How many small-town officers who never carried their weapons off-duty unless they ventured into the "big city" & are now armed when they take the family for a pizza in the local restaurant?

Police & correction officers belong to a subculture within the subculture of public safety because of the power of the badge & the dangers that go w/carrying it. Whether you call it "The Thin Blue Line" or just "the job", carrying that badge & gun does make you someone different because of:

• the awesome authority to arrest w/out a warrant
• to take away if only for a short time our most basic freedom which is to come & go as we please
• a decision left solely to the police officer on numerous occasions
• more mundane but most significant authority to the average citizen, which is to make traffic stops, write tickets & in varying degrees inconvenience, intimidate & cost the taxpayer time & money & of course, the power of the gun (& baton, pepper spray, etc.)
• the police can under certain circumstances kill or physically harm a citizen

Even the military can't do this unless mobilized & authorized to do so; virtually every aspect of your life has the potential to bring on police stress, from marital & family relationships to how everyday citizens treat you when off duty.

Police & correction officers (as well as prison nurses, counselors & doctors) never know when they may become the target of individuals who intend to harm or kill them, whether for revenge over a specific gripe, out of hate, an officer-assisted suicide attempt or paranoia.

Like firefighters who must enter burning buildings & EMS personnel who deal w/AIDS, hepatitis & TB as well as violent subjects, they must also be willing to put their lives on the line to protect citizens.

Any member of the emergency response team can become a target, but it's more likely to happen to police officers.

Police stress takes a huge toll. Police stress can come on quickly as a result of a critical incident like a shooting, or it can come on slowly. Police often don't seek counseling for reasons which are discussed in articles here.

Police counseling is a relatively new mental health specialty. Police counseling hasn't attracted many mental health professionals. Reasons for this are also discussed in an article on this web site, but briefly it has to do in part w/the fact that many psychotherapists haven't been inclined to get the first hand exposure to police & police work needed to develop a genuine knowledge base & true empathy for what it's like to be "on the job."

Police counseling, police peer counseling, even critical incident stress management & critical incident stress debriefing (CISM & CISD) while they've been known to be exceeding helpful for at least 20 years, are still not employed often enough.

While society is fascinated by the police profession, police stress isn't part of the "glamorous" aspect of "the job".  For every depiction in the media of police stress there must be a hundred car chases & shoot-outs.

I can't emphasize enough that police stress is an issue that everyone, from police officers & those close to them & others in the "on the front line" professions, needs to fully understand & in a sense inoculate themselves against as best they can.

It's too easy & entirely natural for people working in these professions to use humor & denial as ways to avoid the emotional impact of what they see & do as part of their jobs.

I'm frequently reminded of this & it was brought home to me when I talked to a MedFlight nurse at a training exercise. She told me about how she & her colleagues use humor to cope w/the fact that they see only the most serious cases & have the most loss of life despite their valiant efforts.

At least she's working in a team all of the time. Police officers usually return to solo patrol duty after an incident which brings them together w/other officers or members of the EMS team.

Police officers experience more police stress when their assignment is such that they work cases or crime scenes alone or when, because of the culture w/in their department,  they keep their feelings to themselves because they don't want to take the time & energy to explain details to their colleagues, who after all, may have problems of their own.

Police stress gets worse if in these circumstances, the officer doesn't have a spouse or partner to open up to. Seeking professional help or even showing emotion when "debriefing" after handling a trauma is sometimes seen as a weakness.

It's important for good mental health that CISM, CISD & police counseling are seen as valid, vital resources for those who truly protect & serve us. I say this not just because police stress counseling is my area of specialty, but because I have police & correction officers who are my friends as well.

It's a sad truth that a police marriage can be one of the casualties of stress police officers face. Divorce rates among police officers are higher than the national average, which is already too high.

I've worked w/a large number of Police Families that have suffered thru an affair. Many have been able to put the marriage back together; some haven't.

I've learned some things over the years. Many affairs that a police officer gets involved in have a pattern. The officer doesn't start out to cheat on his wife, he doesn't see himself as that man & in fact often states that marital infidelity is against his moral code.

What happens is an encounter w/a woman who seems to express some interest in his job, or some stress he's recently encountered on the job, or even home stress.

A conversation ensues that is mutually supportive & friendly. The officer looks back at this conversation w/out much thought other than how nice it was to be listened to & a sense that this was a nice person.

No activity other than talk, or possible friendship, is considered by either party. However, conversations do take place. With each conversation, more & more information is shared, secrets revealed & intimacy started.

At this point, whether the officer realizes it or not, he's having an "affair of the heart". Since this is draining his energy away from his marital relationship, it's for all intent an affair.

What often happens, of course, is that the mind to mind connections established thru intimate dialogue progress to physical intimacy. The affair has occurred.

Understanding this pattern may be of help to police wives. A harmful myth I see fostered on police officers either in the academy or during field training is "don't bring your job home w/ you".

While this may be good advice if one is talking about attitudes or anger, it's not good if one interprets it to mean not telling your wife all of the things that go on at work. Yes, even the gory stuff. I've also encountered wives who have out & out told me that they've forbidden their husbands from bringing into their house's tails from the street. Big mistake.

Once a limit has been put on dialogue that can be shared w/your spouse, a limit has been put on intimacy. Intimacy is nurtured in many ways, not just in the bedroom. Talking probably plays the largest part in establishing & maintaining intimacy. If an officer needs to talk & he can't talk w/his wife, he'll talk to someone else.

What to do about relationships that form between males/females on the job? Well first, as hard as it may be, don't try to forbid it or condemn it. Don't attack him. Closeness & re-connection can never come from anger & accusations. That will likely start a fight & move the relationship underground.

You can express your concern & fears & hopefully get more of an idea about the needs this relationship is satisfying in your spouse. You both, officer & spouse, might take a look at this relationship as a potential red flag.

Do the two of you spend enough time talking?

Do you make sure that you spend time listening to your spouse w/ the thought that you'll just take in what is said w/out criticizing or advising?

Do you separate the business/childcare conversations of day to day life w/the more intimate personal discussions that keep 2 people in contact?

They say that marriage is work. I agree. Keeping lines of communication open, keeping it a priority & keeping out of a rut take work. And it takes two!

Keep in mind that established patterns are harder to break than establishing a healthy style from the start. If you're a newly married police couple reading this, remember the importance of talking. Remember to bring your job home w/you, even the bad stuff. In a good marriage, pain as well a pleasure is shared.

Test yourself

Your journey into self-discovery must take account of the stress level under which you operate. Look within to see what causes you to feel stressed. Consider the following stress-inducing situations & see if anything is causing you anxiety.

1. Are you feeling inadequate at work?

2. Are you feeling inadequate in your love life?

3. Do you compare yourself unfavorably with your peers?

4. Are you dissatisfied with your marriage?

5. Are you having a problem at work?

6. Are you having problems in a relationship?

7. Is someone you love chronically ill?

8. Are you having cash-flow problems?

9. Are you in danger of losing your job?

10. Have you just been fired?

11. Are you feeling dissatisfied with life for no reason at all?

12. Are you feeling bored?

13. Are you finding it hard to cope with your work?

14. Do you feel stuck in a stress cycle?

15. Are you hiding a terrible secret?

16. Are you suffering from a secret addiction?

17. Is there something in your life that is causing you resentment?

18. Are you desperately afraid of something?

19. Have you made a promise you can't fulfill?

In attempting to dissect the causes of stress in your life, you'll also come to recognize your level of stress tolerance. Different people have different levels of tolerance. Invariably the cause of all stress can be reduced to 3 sources:

1. People around you who cause you to become emotionally stressed.

2. External events that cause you to become physically stressed.

3. Lifestyle-related issues that cause you to be psychologically stressed.

If you examine these 3 main causes of stress, you'll see that they all have to do with the way your mind reacts. It's the mind that's the root of all stress. You can't change people's behavior toward you, you can't change the events that happen & you can't change the physical circumstances in which you find yourself. But you can change your responses & your reactions to them.

The key to dealing successfully with stress starts with pinpointing the root of stress. Everything that causes us to feel stressed comes from the mind.

• Guilt
• Pressure
• Ego
• Vanity
• Ambition
• Frustration
• Fear

Personal Life Events analysis

To learn the level of stress (distress) in your life, circle the value at the right of each of the following events if it has occurred within the past 12 months:

Event:

Death of spouse: 100

Divorce: 73

Marital separation: 65

Jailterm: 63

Death of close family member: 63

Personal injury or illness: 53

Marriage: 50

Fired from job: 47

Marital reconciliation: 45

Change in family member's health: 44

Pregnancy: 40

Sexual difficulties: 39

Addition to family: 39

Business readjustment: 39

Change in financial status: 38

Death of close friend: 37

Career change: 36

Change in number of marital arguments: 35

Mortgage or loan over $10,000: 31

Foreclosure of mortgage or loan: 30

Change in work responsibilities: 29

Son or daughter leaving home: 29

Trouble with in-laws: 29

Outstanding personal achievement: 28

Spouse begins or ceases working: 26

Starting or finishing school: 26

Change in living conditions: 25

Revision of personal habits: 24

Trouble with boss: 23

Change in work hours, conditions: 20

Change in residence: 20

Change in schools: 20

Change in recreational habits: 19

Change in church activities:19

Change in social activities: 18

Mortgage or loan under $10,000: 17

Change in sleeping habits: 16

Change in number of family gatherings: 15

Change in eating habits: 15

Vacation: 13

Christmas season: 12

Minor violation of the law: 11

How to analyze your score:

Add the circled values. If your total score is more than 150, find ways to reduce stress in your daily life so that your stress level doesn't increase. The higher the score, the harder one needs to work at staying physically well.  

Suggested uses for personal Life Events analysis:

Become familiar w/the different events & the amounts of stress they promote.

Put the list of events where your family can easily refer to it several times a day.

Practice recognizing the stress level when one of these events happens.

Think about the meaning of the event for you & identify your feelings.

Think about the different ways you can adjust to the event.

Take your time in arriving at decisions.

Anticipate life changes & plan for them well in advance whenever possible.

Pace yourself. It can be done even if you're in a hurry.

Look at the accomplishment of a task as a part of ongoing daily living; avoid looking at such an achievement as a stopping point.

Congratulate yourself & push ahead.

Acute Stress Disorder Common in Children & Parents After Traffic Accident

Philadelphia: In 90% of families w/children injured in a traffic crash, the child or a parent will suffer at least one significant acute stress symptom, according to a study at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

And 25% of children & parents experience more pervasive symptoms that warrant clinical attention. Nancy Kassam-Adams, Ph.D. & Flaura K. Winston, M.D., Ph.D., co-authors of the study in the June 2002 issue of Pediatrics, offer guidelines for assessing acute stress symptoms in children & parents.

"The study investigated the range of acute stress symptoms in children & their parents to enable pediatricians to better identify & address the psychological impact of injury," said Dr. Kassam-Adams, associate director of behavioral research, TraumaLink at Children's Hospital.

"Evidence about the prevalence of these symptoms in injured children can help physicians distinguish between normal reactions to trauma & reactions that require further care & follow-up."

The study population included 97 children who were admitted to The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia for traffic related injuries between July 1999 & May 2000. The children had been injured in a traffic crash in which the child was a passenger, a pedestrian, or a bicyclist.

"A key component to assessing acute stress is that pediatricians understand how both parents & children respond to a child's injury," states Dr. Winston, director of TraumaLink. "It's normal for parents to be very distressed in the aftermath of a child's injury, yet parents' own acute stress symptoms may influence a child's response to the traumatic event."

Acute stress disorder is a group of symptoms & reactions that may occur w/in the first month after a traumatic experience. ASD symptoms include re-experiencing the trauma (unwanted & upsetting thoughts or memories), avoiding reminders of the trauma, hyperarousal (jumpiness) & dissociation (numbing, feelings of unreality).

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is diagnosed when these symptoms persist for a long time (at least one month) & begin to impair the individual's everyday functioning. Prior research indicates that even children w/minor injuries from a traffic crash are at risk for developing PTSD, say Dr. Kassam-Adams & Dr. Winston.

For adults, ASD symptoms soon after a traumatic event are a warning sign for developing PTSD. However, there's been little research available for pediatricians about ASD symptoms & later PTSD in injured children.

The Children's Hospital researchers found that acute stress symptoms were common w/in the first month after injury. Among injured children & their parents, more than 4/5 experienced at least one significant acute stress symptom.

About 1/4 of children & parents experienced broad acute distress, reporting symptoms of dissociation, re-experiencing, avoidance & hyper-arousal.

40% of the families were affected by these more pervasive acute stress symptoms, w/the injured child, the parent, or both reporting broad distress. Symptoms didn't always co-occur in both parent & child.

"We need to identify effective ways for health care providers to support distressed parents, so that parents in turn can most effectively help their child to cope w/a traumatic injury," stated Dr. Kassam-Adams.

The research outlined in the Pediatrics article has immediate implications for clinical practice, particularly regarding parent education & supportive care for families. The researchers offer these recommendations for pediatricians & other primary care providers treating a child who is injured in a traffic crash:

1. Routinely call the family several days & 1 to 2 weeks following the injury to ask about behavioral symptoms & family function.

2. Make use of the ongoing physician/patient relationship to explore acute stress symptoms & any functional impairment in the injured child. A brief office visit w/the child & parents could serve this purpose.

3. Explore the effect of the child's injury on the family. Remember that parents can experience acute stress symptoms following pediatric traffic injuries & these symptoms may limit the parent's ability to support the child.

4. Provide supportive care & encourage families to discuss the crash & their current feelings.

5. Provide a referral for further assessment & psychological care when a child's (or parent's) acute stress symptoms last for more than 1 month or impair everyday functioning.

The study, funded by the Maternal & Child Health Bureau, is part of the Child & Adolescent Reactions to Injury & Trauma Research Program at TraumaLink, an interdisciplinary pediatric trauma research center at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia.

Founded in 1855 as the nation's first pediatric hospital, The Children's Hospital is recognized today as one of the leading treatment & research facilities for children in the world.

The Effects of Divorce on a Child
parenthood.com
Alan L. Frankel

A separation or divorce will inevitably have a profound effect upon children & at times it can even be devastating to them.

The good news is that divorce needn't leave long-lasting psychological scars & a lot depends on how you handle things. Take heart in knowing that you can make an enormous difference in how the children fare.

Children commonly will react to parents separating or divorcing by developing signs of distress, or symptoms & it's normal for them to do so. Here are some symptoms to look for, or to recognize when they occur.

Preschoolers may react by becoming increasingly clingy or fearful about separation times, e.g. when dropping them off at school or daycare & also at bedtime. Changes in their normal eating or sleeping patterns are often a sign that a child is experiencing distress.

They also sometimes have increased tantrums, or may cry more easily than usual. Regressive behavior like thumb sucking or talking baby talk again is also common. Bed wetting too is a common sign of distress & may be an expression of anxiety or anger.

Children sometimes "somatize" or develop physical complaints, like headaches or stomach aches. ( Be careful however, not to readily dismiss these symptoms as "purely emotional reactions" & if physical symptoms are persistent or severe, they should always be checked out by the child's pediatrician.)

School-age children may exhibit some of the same signs as younger children, but may also display more overt signs of anger, worry or sadness. Others may act like "they don't care" & put on an air of cool indifference, while some kids will blatantly deny that their parents are divorcing.

Sometimes kids in this age try to be "extra good", as if they could behave perfectly, then maybe their parents won't separate. This stems from the all too common belief that children often have that the divorce is somehow their fault.

It's usually a good idea to let them know that divorce is "grownup business" & is certainly not their doing. In contrast to the child who is working overtime to "be good", are some kids who start to become quite overtly oppositional, aggressive, or even hostile to a parent, perhaps blaming one of them for the divorce.

Some children are more subtle in their resentment & may display passive-aggressive behaviors, such as spilling things, losing things & frequently forgetting to do things.

Teenagers can be a handful under normal circumstances, i.e. they're typically argumentative & oppositional. When there is a divorce situation, some warning signs of distress are displayed by "acting out" behaviors, such as running away, truanting from school, school suspension, physical fighting, trouble with the law, drug & alcohol abuse & promiscuity.